22 Jun



That’s me making an angry noise. Because I’m working at the weekend again. And I’m a tired, tired cat.

But I’m also releasing my inner lion because something has kicked in very recently. I don’t know what to call this thing. It’s a feeling of being back in control. It’s a feeling of being good enough. It’s hard to put my finger on, but – damn – it feels OK.

I went for a run this morning, which I’ve started doing every morning. (Note to all break upees – run, run and run some more. It has done wonders for my mood and my sausage arms.) Anyway, usually in the mornings I just get my ass in gear so I only run a mile or so. This morning I just kept going. Like Forest fricking Gump.

I got back to my flat looking like a tomato, ever so sweaty, and feeling pretty f***ing great.

“What’s changed?” I hear you ask.

Who knows. My mood has been so up and down for the past ten months, that the slightest work stress or hiccup in my social life sent me spiraling into the doom. But right now I’m about as stressed as I can get about work. I’m not sleeping great because of that. I’m working long hours. But I feel OK about it. Yup, definitely OK.

Running has helped. I’ve also got myself a pedometer and make myself take time out every day to get at least 10,000 steps in. Just so you know, yesterday I did over 18,000 – check me out. I’ve been eating right. Using a lot of essential oils and things to try and lift my mood. Buying myself peonies every single week. Making plans for the rest of the year. I’ve made a great new friend who’s like a little injection of sunshine into every day (thank you). And – what’s more – it’s actually sunny.

I remember last year, post pizza of doom, crying on a friend about how sh** my summer had been between the stress of him going away, him acting like a c***, and then him finally ending things right before I started my new job. Yup. Summer 2013 sucked. My friend said, “Just think how great next summer will be.”

Maybe she was right.

Time will tell. But, as you know, every moment in my life needs a song from Nashville to accompany it. So here’s one that simply says ROAR.

5 Responses to “Roar”

  1. openyoureyes145 June 23, 2014 at 2:11 am #

    I completely agree about running. At the end of last summer, I was really depressed and then I started walking every day after work. Then it turned into jogging a little bit here and there. Then, I was able to run a mile for the first time outside EVER in my whole life (apart from running on treadmills and stuff). Then, long story short, I kept doing it. I got more and more healthy. And today, I ran my first 5K.

    I, too, had a horrible experience with an ex boyfriend. But for the three years I was with him I was the laziest I have EVER been. Staying in bed all day long, never getting anything done, and never doing yoga or going to the gym or anything.

    And now, not only do I feel better about myself as a whole, I completed a 5k. He could never do that. It only gets more awesome as the time passes. Trust me 🙂

    • aprileb June 23, 2014 at 6:28 am #

      Wow. Well done, you! What a great achievement to work up to the 5k like that. How did you feel when you crossed the finish line? Pretty amazing, I hope.

      When I was with my ex he put pressure on me to “train” and was never happy with what I did in terms of fitness. I exercised plenty, but – well – some people are never happy, are they? Now I run for fun and because it feels good. So much more enjoyable. So much better for my mind, body and soul.

      Thank you for your comment. It’s great to hear from you and to hear that things will keep on getting better x

      • openyoureyes145 June 25, 2014 at 3:56 am #

        Crossing the finish line was a major accomplishment for me. Since I had never done a 5k before, I didn’t eat enough before the race and my head was pounding. I didn’t feel like I could do it…. but I finished! It was so amazing that I am going to force myself to do it again next year.

        Running for the sake of running for fun is so much more worth it. We can’t change ourselves for others because it ends up demolishing our souls. I’m glad you are running and enjoying it again. It’s much better that way.

        I really enjoy reading your posts by the way!

      • aprileb June 25, 2014 at 7:43 am #

        Thank you! Please keep reading and let me know how you’re getting on x

  2. luciddream85 June 23, 2014 at 5:12 pm #

    Super proud of you . You’re living your life and you’re doing it just fine without someone. You are getting to where you need to be. It just takes time and healing. And you’re right; running is good for the soul. I did four miles yesterday and I feel like a different person after I pound the pavement with my sadness and confusion. We’re all going to be okay.

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