Archive | January, 2014

Happy f***ing birthday

22 Jan

Apologies, I haven’t touched blog in a long, long time.

Work has been crazy. And, honestly, I just needed a break from everything. I’ve been coming home, putting on my satin PJs, lighting some candles, eating frozen yoghurt and watching Homeland. It’s been nice. I feel like I am recuperating.

There is a lot to catch everyone up on. But that is for another day.

Because today is my ex’s birthday.

Last year I cooked him the most incredible meal. I took a day off work to cook it. I made him a cake that was quite simply magnificent. When he took it into work the next day everyone told him he should put a ring on my finger. Pronto.

Of course, as we all know, he instead decided to wait a few months and then eat half a pizza and break my heart into a billion pieces.

I’m not a nasty person. I pride myself on being one of the nicest people I have ever met.

But I hope he has a rubbish birthday.

Maybe he’s with someone else now. Maybe he’s on his own and feeling lonely. Maybe he’s out with his friends tonight.

Whatever he’s doing, I hope he remembers that meal, that cake, and the gifts I gave him last year. How I blew up balloons and made him a card.  How I made a Spotify playlist with all his favourite music. How we kissed.

And I hope he feels terrible.

I’ve made my choice

10 Jan

I’ve been a bit bad at blogging recently.

2014 is off to a crazy busy start. But, I am over the fricking moon to tell you that I’m enjoying it.

Sometimes I find myself almost hyper with glee that I feel normal again. And that I can watch TV without crying. And sleep. And eat. Oh, it’s all just so much better than I even remember it.

I’m also feeling very grrrrr about everything. I lost a lot of 2013 to sadness and that makes me angry.

After all, I’m pretty awesome.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m ever so slightly in love with the TV show Nashville. Ooohhh, I’ve listened to this song so much recently…. And just like the singer herself, I’ve made my choice between heartbreak and revival.


Something that happened last year

6 Jan

I haven’t been writing as much recently.  I haven’t really felt the same need to get the nasty things in my head out and onto my laptop screen. Because there haven’t been that many nasty things hanging out in there. Honestly, my darkest moments come when I dwell on the amount of cheese I’ve eaten over Christmas and the fact I fear I have put on around 100 lbs.

It’s dark and dreary outside, but in my head springtime is already here.

When I saw my counsellor before Christmas she said, “I’ll see you in the new year. And the new year can do all sorts of things to people.” I wished her a Merry Christmas and scuttled off down the street thinking how silly she was. It’s just a new year, after all. It can’t change anything.

I should have known better.

My counsellor is never silly. She’s an absolute fricking genius.

Indeed, I feel different. I feel better. I feel more like me.

I always knew – even through the depths of my sadness – that there would come a day when the pizza of doom was just something that happened to me once. Finally, I’m starting to feel that way. 

And I love being able to say that it was, “Something that happened last year”.

A fresh start

3 Jan

I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but 2014 is already a lot better than 2013.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my struggles already. Horrible weather. Lots of work to do. Having to force myself out of bed in the morning and wear something other than pyjamas to go to the office. Signing off cheese and chocolate until I shift a few lbs.

Last night I faced my greatest challenge of the year so far: taking down the Christmas tree. 

It may sound simple enough, but the truth is I had been living in fear for days. On Monday a large spider made a run for it, across my living room, behind the Christmas tree. He had been hiding out there ever since. Which meant I had to crawl around unscrewing the tree and taking off the lights in the knowledge that he was lying in wait. Petrifying. As it happened, we did not cross paths. I assume he is now lurking around in my bedroom.

Getting the tree out my front door took more strength and determination than I had anticipated. It knocked over everything in its path, and spewed needles all over my carpets. It also left a nice trail of needles all through the building (which can be traced to my front door). Anyway, out it went. And my pink tinsel reindeer, and various other Christmas characters went back in their box for another year.

Ahhhhhh, a fresh start. 

Feels good.

Happy New Year

1 Jan

2014, I’ve been waiting for you.