Tag Archives: X Factor

I remember Saturday nights

4 Oct

I remember when Saturday night meant drinks and dinner. And snogging and sex. And feeling like the luckiest person in the world.

I had a great day today. Swimming, yoga, catching up with friends, quick massage. Now I’m sitting waiting for the X Factor to come on, debating whether or not to eat the Krispy Kreme I bought on a whim earlier. It’s not the same kind of Saturday at all. I walked home past all the bars in Dalston tonight, and all the couples sitting outside doing, well, exactly what we used to do.

But I’m not crying tonight. I’m looking forward to seeing a friend tomorrow. I’m feeling good after yoga. I’m doing OK.

I don’t feel like the luckiest person in the world. But I do feel like a better, stronger person than the girl who believed that she was. And the girl who broke last year.

It is impossible for me to put it as poignantly or fantastically as this dude. My second favourite (Lauren Platt being my first) in this year’s X Factor. Enjoy.

Do you believe in life after love?

29 Nov

Skip to about 0.55 when she actually starts singing.

It makes me cry.

Also, Nicole Scherzinger’s breakdown afterwards just goes to show – even celebrities have to put up with this sh**.

I wouldn’t have it any other way

10 Nov

I’m at the airport waiting for my flight to Tampa. My parents will meet me in Tampa in about 14 hours, and we’ll drive down to Sarasota. This will be a good day.

In the meantime, this is my first experience blogging on my iPhone.

Forgive me for any typing mishaps.

Last night I stayed at an airport hotel. It takes the stress out of the morning you travel. But the past couple of times I’ve done this, I’ve been comfy in my hotel room texting and emailing him. It felt kind of weird not to.

Which is just one of the reasons I am so grateful for my friend Ellie.

Ellie and I met in kindergarten. She was the kid who bit people.

We weren’t in the same class again until we were eleven when we rebonded over a shared love of horses and clarinet.

Everyone got cool around us. And when we were 15, 16, 17 and other kids were going out drinking and even clubbing, Ellie and I spent Saturday nights in coffee shops drinking hot chocolate. Or at home with a pizza. Constantly telling ourselves that we, “wouldn’t have it any other way.”

We went to different universities, but rebonded the year after graduation over a shared love of Tiger Beer and dancing on tables.

When I moved to London, Ellie was the first friend to come and visit. Nine years later, and 27 years since we met, Ellie is still the person who makes me laugh the hardest. She went through a rough breakup a couple of years ago and has been a great support to me recently.

But sadly she’s in Glasgow and I’m in London.

So, on X Factor nights, we text along. It’s just like having her there on my sofa with me.

Last week James Arthur (last year’s X Factor winner) was on the show promoting his new song, ‘You’re Nobody Til Somebody Loves You’.

Ellie texted me, “Well, he sure knows how to kick you when you’re down.” True story.

So last night, although Ellie was actually out during the X Factor, I had her texts for company. Even helping me to choose a sandwich for dinner and congratulating me on adding same wasabi peas.

I also had texts from my friend Kate. And Wedding Boy, who has reappeared.

There’s no question: I am unlucky in love.

But when it comes to friends, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I wanna dance with somebody

28 Sep

I had a nice day. One of my best friends is over from Australia. I drank a lot of coffee with her, which was fabulous. We caught up on everything and I got through my whole story without sobbing. Go me! I went to the gym. Did some shopping. Cleaned my kitchen. And finally settled down to the X Factor about an hour ago.

Yes, I love the X Factor. Don’t judge.

I have two favourites this year: Abi and Melanie. Tonight they both decided to break my heart a little.

I had never before realised how sad this song is. It’s really not about dancing at all. (Who knew?) It’s about loneliness.

And if that didn’t have me sobbing enough, Melanie followed up with this.

Since I find myself in my pyjamas watching X Factor on a Saturday night, it’s fair to say I’m wanting to dance with somebody. With somebody who loves me.

But the past couple of days, the sadness has cleared a little. Just a little. Just enough for me to give myself a good talking to. While, at the start of the week, I was emailing my friends to tell them that my life had no point, today I’m not even looking for a point. I don’t need one. I’m a good, kind person and I have as much right to be happy as anyone else.

My friend Kate and I were discussing this on Thursday night. It might sound melodramatic – and maybe it’s just indicative of what a nice life I’ve had – but this breakup is genuinely the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

The good news is (as Kate was quick to point out) it has to get better from here.

Sure, something like this might happen in the future. But I’ll be OK. Because I’m small but strong. I can get through this. And I will never let anyone hurt me like this again.

Wouldn’t you know it? Mel’s already sung about such things on the X. (Please excuse Gary’s lip synching.)