Tag Archives: travel

Springtime

18 Mar

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There’s something wonderful about springtime. I’m a springtime baby, so maybe when the end of March rolls around and we are very nearly in my very own month I just feel more special. But the brightness in the mornings. The lightness in the air. And the evenings that start to stretch and make room for so much more possibility than heading straight home to put on pyjamas and watch MTV. It all puts me in a good mood.

It also makes me ponder how very different springtime is this year from how I imagined it.

You see, my ex and I had a grand plan. We were going to take a month off work between March and April, and travel around Japan. I am desperate to go to Japan, but never wanted to go alone. So, we decided to take this extended break and follow the cherry blossoms as they bloomed. My birthday would be while we were there. And I think we both had the same thing in mind. It starts with a “diamond” and ends with a “ring”.

Instead, I’m working like a mad woman. I’ve just ended things with a red-haired Irish man. I’m going on a date on Saturday. I’m going to Paris for work, shortly followed by New York. And on my birthday I’m having a night of drinks and ping pong with all my favourite cats.

Not what I planned. Not what I imagined. But not a bad way to spend the springtime either.

And maybe this is a sign that the gaping, painful void he left behind is closing. It will leave scars. Scars that hurt to talk about. Scars that are visible to others through my behaviour at times. But I can just about get my head above the darkness and say, “F*** you for what you did to me. F*** you for not appreciating me. I’ll find someone worth going to Japan with.”

He’s ruined enough already. I’ve been planning my dream trip to Japan for years.

It would have sucked to have him in all the photos.

Get out of my dreams

6 Dec

I went to bed last night (having not cried all day – yay me!), thinking that I might just be starting to feel a little better. I might just be getting closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. I might just be starting to make my peace with this heartbreak.

After all, B has been texting a lot (I worry too much). My counsellor is really helping me to make sense of everything. I don’t feel like such a Grinch about Christmas. And I’m so busy, I have a lot less time to just sit and cry.

And then I went to sleep.

And dreamt about him.

Here’s what went down: 

I was getting into a taxi somewhere in Florida, and ended up at a hotel in India (as you do). At the hotel, my ex had booked us a room that was, in fact, situated right in the middle of the lobby. He was there. And he wanted me to go and travel around the world with him. His Dad was on the phone asking if we were back together, then his Mum. He said he had read my blog and thought it was amazing. He had everything planned: I should quit my job, he would pay for everything, we’d travel and end up in Japan where we’d spend months exploring. (We were supposed to be going to Japan next year.) We’d get back to London and I could freelance while he went back to his job. Life would be just as we planned it. Just as I wanted it.

And I said, “Yes”.

Hell. Yes. My year is looking up.

23 Nov

Guess who just got upgraded to first class for an eight-hour flight to London?

This girl did.

I am sitting in the first-class lounge, unable to decide which snacks to eat and drinks to drink. Kind of a mystery as to why they upgraded the girl in shorts, t-shirt and flip flops, but I’m not complaining.

Bring on the champagne.