I don’t sleep much these days, or nights.
I stay up late trying to tire myself out, and then I wake up early thinking about him.
I go to work. Doing a new job is incredibly tiring. You constantly have to be “on”.
In the evenings I try to stay busy with friends, or the gym, or I’m at my counsellor, or I walk home to distract me from things, or I just sit and cry.
On the weekends I get up and go out so I’m not rattling around my flat on my own. I try to stay out most of the day. I tend to have work to catch up on as well. And, of course, a lot of the time I just sit and cry.
I caught my reflection in the mirror earlier. The dark circles under my eyes are like deep caverns. My skin is blotchy. My lips are chapped.
Frankly, I look like crap. And I feel like crap.
I’d like to go to sleep and wake up in 2015.
I’d like to wake up with no anxiety, no echoes of , “I was never in love with you” , no pain, and no memory of him.
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