Tag Archives: sex

I want to feel wanted

17 Aug

Irish Two and I went out on Friday night. As friends. Which is what we are these days. It’s actually nearly six months since we decided we were destined to be friends and stopped trying to be anything more. And stopped having sex. Sigh.

I don’t regret that we ended things. There are oh-so-many reasons that Irish Two is not right for me. Not least, he’s a sociopath. But when he started telling me about girls he’s been dating/having sex with, I felt a strange urge to scratch his face. 

Tinder has been good to him, delivering all manner of women who want to send him sexual pictures and meet up for sexual times. No big deal. He’s a dude. I get it. 

But then he told me, “I thought I’d met a nice girl.”

Emmm. Hello. You told me we weren’t compatible because I’m “too nice” and that you “didn’t want someone who’s nice to you.” Now you want a nice girl?

I told him this while knocking back a Negroni and trying to conceal my anger. 

I don’t want to be with Irish Two. But I don’t like feeling rejected. 

At least he had the good sense and sensitivity to say, “Sorry, do you not want to hear about this stuff?” Also, the “nice girl” he thought he had found then sent him a load of naked pictures and told him she’s sleeping with four different guys and doesn’t want a relationship.

I told him I don’t mind hearing tales of his dating mishaps. I guess the more I know about what he’s doing with other people the more it cements our relationship as “just good friends” which is all it can ever be. I need to be with someone who appreciates me for being nice. He is not that guy.

But why is it that when I know every reason we shouldn’t be together, I still want him to want me? Because I think that’s really what it boils down to. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel like someone of the male variety can look at me and think, “Wow, she’s so pretty and smart and funny and lovely. I want to have sex with her and also hold her hand and stroke her face and be with her forever.”

That’s what I thought my ex was thinking the whole time we were together. That’s what he told me he was thinking. But, as it happens, he just said those things. 

I have a date on Tuesday night with a dude from the eHarmony. 

At least I’m trying. 

 

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Gossip

28 Apr

I love gossip.

There’s something about my brain. It’s just wired a certain way which means it’s fascinated with the lives of others. Hence my love affair with Teen Mom and everything else MTV has to offer me. Hence my utter devastation when I realised that The Hills was not real. Hence my excitement re people who I work with getting it on.

I’ve had my fair share of office romances over the years. Well, two to be precise. Right now I have to work with a client who I dated seven years ago. That ain’t much fun either. But the gossip I heard today about some of my colleagues is absolutely scandalous. And not exactly romantical either. The kind of scandal that I would just never create on my own. I mean, I can’t hold my drink anyway. But even if I downed a brewery full of beer, there are certain things I’m simply not capable of.

Like the thing I heard about today.

Eeeeeeeek.

Yes, there are occasions when I see through the breakup fog and get a glimpse into the lives of others. And think, “Holy f***. I’m glad that’s not me.”

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Friends without benefits

21 Apr

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Irish Two and I went to see The Lego Movie today. Then we went for Vietnamese food. Then we walked home in the rain.

It had all the makings of a perfect date, except we were doing it as friends.

At dinner I gave him career advice. He gave me relationship advice.

Since we became “just friends” I’ve been hoping for more. I’ve been hoping for benefits. Sexual ones, to be precise. I’ve seen the Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake movie. I’ve seen the identical movie with Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher. These both convinced me that a friend with benefits is a real asset. Though I’m not sure this was supposed to be my take on them.

Nothing.

Not even a kiss from Irish Two.

Did he never even find me attractive?

I know it’s probably better this way. This way we actually stand a chance of being friends. I stand a chance of moving on. But I do miss the sex. I miss feeling desirable.

Of course, there are other benefits. As long as we continue to watch movies and eat meals without any touching at all, I can neglect to shave my legs, and I needn’t worry about doing anything to my bikini line.

After all, nobody else is doing anything to it.

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It’s Tuesday night

17 Sep

Tuesday night was Pizza Night.

Tuesday night we usually got out of work at a decent time. Both of us. Incredibly.

Tuesday night he came to mine (most of the time we hung out at his since it’s about three times the size of mine).

Tuesday night I ordered pizza. Chorizo and sweet peppers for him. With extra basil and chilli flakes. Pepperoni and broccoli for me.

Tuesday night I always had the fridge stocked with his favourite beer.

Tuesday night I’d get out the “fun napkins” (with pictures of dancing lobsters on them).

Tuesday night we’d eat too much, then lie on the sofa kissing and holding each other.

Tuesday night he’d stroke my feet while we watched DVDs.

Tuesday night we’d go to bed early and spoon.

Tuesday night we’d have sex (before he decided on “no sex on school nights”). My god. It was good.

Tuesday night we’d whisper sweet nothings and even sweeter somethings, and fall asleep with our feet touching.

Tuesday night is now Boxing Night.

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