I’ve always been very anti putting hormones into your body.
I’ve mentioned on here before that I had a breast reduction when I was 21. Well, – wait – before I go on, I should really say a WARNING TO ALL MEN I AM ABOUT TO DISCUSS HORMONES, PERIODS, BOOBS and I’ll also moan about my ex.
So, yes yes. I had huge boobs. Ginormous. Disgusting. And, being 5ft 1, way too big for my little old self. So I had a breast reduction eleven years ago. Let’s be clear: this is not a decision that anyone takes lightly. It’s major surgery. But the best decision I’ve ever made.
That’s why – despite crazy period pains – I’ve always been scared to take contraceptives because I worried they would make my boobs bigger.
Well, last summer when the ex went to work in New York and became a stranger who didn’t give a sh** about me, he also started to complain about my PMS. I would have done anything for him. So, after loads of research, I decided to get the contraceptive implant to steady out my moods.
Which it did.
Not that my moods were ever that bad. And, to be honest, they were caused by feeling upset that my boyfriend didn’t have a nice thing to say to me anymore. I think it’s a little unfair to blame oestrogen entirely.
Of course, three weeks after I had the Nexplanon implant put into my arm, the ex came back from New York, ate half a pizza, and broke my heart. One of the few things I remember saying to him that night was, “Why did you let me get this f***ing thing in my arm?”
What with trying to get out of bed every morning and keep on breathing, I had quite a busy few months after the pizza of doom. I didn’t really think about getting the implant removed. I figured I had no periods. No side effects at all, really. And some lucky man would take advantage of the whole contraceptive situation at some point in time.
But my boobs were getting bigger.
And bigger.
Since January they have just seemed huge. And sore. So sore.
So tomorrow I am getting this bad boy removed.
It’s not like there’s any chance of me getting pregnant right now. And there’s nobody in my life to complain about a little PMS.
But I feel kind of sad. I like feeling this little stick in my arm.
In a very strange way, it reminds me of him. And even though he was a massive asshole about the whole thing, it feels like giving up another little bit of him.
But give it up I will.
Pizza of Doom 
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