Tag Archives: Japan

Very little can happen in a month

23 Oct

So, just what has been going on in life that has been keeping me so busy? Oh, I’m sure you are expecting tales of amazingness. I’ve no doubt been to exotic locations and done loads of amazing work and met amazing people and been on amazing dates and done amazing snogging and maybe even had some sex.

Nope.

I’ve mostly been working. Travelling to places like Nottingham. Keeping myself busy with yoga and swimming. Doing handstands. Hell yeah.

Let me try and make my life sound marginally more interesting by breaking things into three categories: The Good News, The Bad News, and the News I Am Yet to Write.

The Good News

The good news is I don’t have cancer or any pre-cancerous cells. Yayyyy for my cervix. I need to go back every six months until my body proves that we’re planning on staying that way. But it was a massive relief. And I want to say a big “thank you, you lovely people” to all the buddies who messaged me with best wishes and to tell me everything would be OK. I was scared, and it helped.

The Bad News

Yup, pretty sure I’ll never get over my ex. I haven’t been on any dates since the incredibly boring man. I’ve been mulling a lot. Thinking about a future alone. Scaring myself. And then I just say, “screw it” and focus on work, or making my flat feel autumnal and lovely. Both of which are marvellous distractions, but don’t actually stop the deep down uncertainty and fear of never meeting someone.

The News I Am Yet to Write

So, I figure, I need to change. I need to do something that will take me out of myself and shift me one way or another. It’s been 14 long months since the Pizza of Doom and I still cry over him. Not. OK. Which is why I’m planning on taking a month off work next year and going to Japan. On my own. Scary? Yes. Exciting? For sure. And hopefully I’ll come back a changed woman and able to actually move on with life.

I’m not going ’til May next year. But hang on til then, and I can assure you this blog is going to get a lot more exciting.

In the meantime, I’ve missed you all very much. Thanks for bearing with me. I am trying.

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Springtime

18 Mar

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There’s something wonderful about springtime. I’m a springtime baby, so maybe when the end of March rolls around and we are very nearly in my very own month I just feel more special. But the brightness in the mornings. The lightness in the air. And the evenings that start to stretch and make room for so much more possibility than heading straight home to put on pyjamas and watch MTV. It all puts me in a good mood.

It also makes me ponder how very different springtime is this year from how I imagined it.

You see, my ex and I had a grand plan. We were going to take a month off work between March and April, and travel around Japan. I am desperate to go to Japan, but never wanted to go alone. So, we decided to take this extended break and follow the cherry blossoms as they bloomed. My birthday would be while we were there. And I think we both had the same thing in mind. It starts with a “diamond” and ends with a “ring”.

Instead, I’m working like a mad woman. I’ve just ended things with a red-haired Irish man. I’m going on a date on Saturday. I’m going to Paris for work, shortly followed by New York. And on my birthday I’m having a night of drinks and ping pong with all my favourite cats.

Not what I planned. Not what I imagined. But not a bad way to spend the springtime either.

And maybe this is a sign that the gaping, painful void he left behind is closing. It will leave scars. Scars that hurt to talk about. Scars that are visible to others through my behaviour at times. But I can just about get my head above the darkness and say, “F*** you for what you did to me. F*** you for not appreciating me. I’ll find someone worth going to Japan with.”

He’s ruined enough already. I’ve been planning my dream trip to Japan for years.

It would have sucked to have him in all the photos.

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