I woke up at 3 am.
I’ve been sleeping great recently, so this was unexpected. I tossed. I turned. And finally I decided to check my emails. I don’t know what I was expecting. All I got was a bunch of junk from LivingSocial.
So I checked my Facebook.
First news story: someone from school had a baby! Second baby, I might add.
Second news story: someone from school got married.
Third news story: someone from school is on a dream holiday across the US with their gorgeous fiancé.
F***. Off.
Excuse my posting just hours after my last post.
I’ve had a Facebooktastrophe.
Ever since the pizza of doom I have been so so so good at not looking at him on social media. The very night of the pizza of doom I deleted him from everything. Everything, I tell you!
Today I was looking through old pictures and there was a photo he had commented on. A photo from last summer. At a wedding I went to with him. He’s not in the photo. But he had commented back at the time. Anyway, I noticed that his little profile picture shot had changed.
Goodness knows what came over me, but I clicked to look at his profile.
Stupid me.
It is very, very obvious to me that (although he is wearing a really terrible fedora in this photo) he is very much in love with whoever is taking the photo. It’s there. In his eyes. He’s alone in the photo. But, you know, someone’s taking it. Someone I hate.
I feel physically sick. My arms are like lead. My breathing has gone mental and I can’t stop shaking.
It is so incredibly, incredibly unfair that eight months on I am left this shattered, weird version of myself while he has sauntered right into meeting someone.
I f***ing hate him.
And I f***ing love him.
Sometimes it only takes a few words to put a smile on your face. Even on a day when your face has been mostly crying.
I was Facebook messaging a friend earlier. We actually worked together for about seven years, and he saw me completely fall apart after the pizza of doom.
Today he told me, “Apes, nobody deserves happiness in abundance more than you do.”
You know what? I think he’s right.
If one more person announces on Facebook that they are pregnant, I will leave Facebook.
I actually won’t. I love Facebook.
Just being dramatic because the best news I posted all week was Starbucks comically misspelling my name on the side of an Americano.
Well, I found it funny.
Pizza of Doom 
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