Tag Archives: dreaming

The thoughts that wake me at 3am

7 Sep

I’m awake in the middle of the night.

Someone in my building is having a party. The music is loud and obnoxious.

I was dreaming about a presentation I have to give at work on Monday. Not some crazy dreamworld presentation where you imagine you are presenting in your PJs to the cast of Friends about some random topic like the use of broccoli as a pizza topping. No, no. Just plain boring real-world stuff. About branding. Even at the weekend, my brain fills itself with work.

Because what else is there?

Going into hospital for a day next week to get my cervix checked out following a weird smear test?

Which yoga class to go to tomorrow?

How I’m ever going to clear enough stuff from my flat to get a new carpet fitted?

Why a certain friend ignores me these days?

Or the thought that reverberates. And only intensifies after a look on Tinder or eHarmony.

I am never going to meet somebody.

Get out of my dreams

6 Dec

I went to bed last night (having not cried all day – yay me!), thinking that I might just be starting to feel a little better. I might just be getting closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. I might just be starting to make my peace with this heartbreak.

After all, B has been texting a lot (I worry too much). My counsellor is really helping me to make sense of everything. I don’t feel like such a Grinch about Christmas. And I’m so busy, I have a lot less time to just sit and cry.

And then I went to sleep.

And dreamt about him.

Here’s what went down: 

I was getting into a taxi somewhere in Florida, and ended up at a hotel in India (as you do). At the hotel, my ex had booked us a room that was, in fact, situated right in the middle of the lobby. He was there. And he wanted me to go and travel around the world with him. His Dad was on the phone asking if we were back together, then his Mum. He said he had read my blog and thought it was amazing. He had everything planned: I should quit my job, he would pay for everything, we’d travel and end up in Japan where we’d spend months exploring. (We were supposed to be going to Japan next year.) We’d get back to London and I could freelance while he went back to his job. Life would be just as we planned it. Just as I wanted it.

And I said, “Yes”.