Tag Archives: Cannes

Am I officially ‘losing it’?

4 Sep

So. After three sun-drenched days on holiday in Nice, I’m starting to feel…worse. Wait a minute, I am not supposed to be feeling better? This trip was “just what the doctor ordered”. Well, not the doctor, but the telephone counselling woman my work’s HR department hooked me up with. I don’t even work there anymore, so it’s pretty decent of them. Anyway, back to the holiday.

We head home tomorrow. I don’t know if it’s been going out for meals and looking at the menu, eyes filling up as I remember looking at menus with my ex (I’m embarrassed to say this has actually happened to me), but I miss him more and more.

Today we went to Cannes. That’s two hours on the bus each way from Nice. That’s four hours of my life that my backside isn’t getting back. Anyway, we arrived in Cannes and all I could think is that his parents used to have an apartment there. And I miss his parents, damnit. It’s not even just him.

Also, the food in Nice is awful. Ugh. And everywhere – absolutely everywhere – seems focused on producing pizza. Not what I needed right now.

I really want to keep my blog upbeat and to turn a corner and feel better and realise this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me etc. etc., but I have to tell you I feel lonely and I also feel like an emotional nut job who is never going to get over this. In ten years time I’ll be holed up in my flat – catless because it’s too small for a cat – muttering about the love of my life never loved me back. I can’t believe it has all ended this way. I can’t believe it has been nearly five weeks. I can’t believe I start my new job on Monday.

I have a feeling of impending doom. In a really bad way.

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