So, just what has been going on in life that has been keeping me so busy? Oh, I’m sure you are expecting tales of amazingness. I’ve no doubt been to exotic locations and done loads of amazing work and met amazing people and been on amazing dates and done amazing snogging and maybe even had some sex.
Nope.
I’ve mostly been working. Travelling to places like Nottingham. Keeping myself busy with yoga and swimming. Doing handstands. Hell yeah.
Let me try and make my life sound marginally more interesting by breaking things into three categories: The Good News, The Bad News, and the News I Am Yet to Write.
The Good News
The good news is I don’t have cancer or any pre-cancerous cells. Yayyyy for my cervix. I need to go back every six months until my body proves that we’re planning on staying that way. But it was a massive relief. And I want to say a big “thank you, you lovely people” to all the buddies who messaged me with best wishes and to tell me everything would be OK. I was scared, and it helped.
The Bad News
Yup, pretty sure I’ll never get over my ex. I haven’t been on any dates since the incredibly boring man. I’ve been mulling a lot. Thinking about a future alone. Scaring myself. And then I just say, “screw it” and focus on work, or making my flat feel autumnal and lovely. Both of which are marvellous distractions, but don’t actually stop the deep down uncertainty and fear of never meeting someone.
The News I Am Yet to Write
So, I figure, I need to change. I need to do something that will take me out of myself and shift me one way or another. It’s been 14 long months since the Pizza of Doom and I still cry over him. Not. OK. Which is why I’m planning on taking a month off work next year and going to Japan. On my own. Scary? Yes. Exciting? For sure. And hopefully I’ll come back a changed woman and able to actually move on with life.
I’m not going ’til May next year. But hang on til then, and I can assure you this blog is going to get a lot more exciting.
In the meantime, I’ve missed you all very much. Thanks for bearing with me. I am trying.
Pizza of Doom 
Aw glad to see you back here, April. The good news is VERY good news… and that trip to Japan sounds absolutely crazy but wow – kudos! It was always a dream destination for me as well but aghhh to go alone, not sure if I’m that brave. I wish you all the best with that and hope it’s an exciting adventure. I totally need to think of something to do on my own like that… though perhaps of smaller caliber haha ^^;;;
I do know how you feel btw… it’s been a long time for me too and I’m still getting lectured by friends about how I still cry and dwell… and I’m actually considering getting off of dating sites because I feel like no one is ever going to compare and that I’m just wasting my time (as well as the time of guys who do message me).
It’s a terrible feeling, isn’t it? One minute being torn and thinking you should at least look around and see who else is out there… next minute you’re back realizing that you’re not over him and that you should just focus on being alone since you’d be no good to anyone else like this…
Sigh.
*Hugs*
Best wishes to you though, as always. Xx
That’s exactly how i feel, you are so right. All i can think is to do sonething that takes my brain and heart and body elsewhere. And hope and pray something shifts. I hope you’re ok. I think you could have a lot of fun thinking of things you could do on your own! Make a list! Xxx