The ability to believe

30 Sep

Well, buddies, the ‘Sex and the City’ gorging continues.

Tonight I watched an episode where Charlotte and Carrie attend a seminar about finding love. It’s about positive affirmations, and putting yourself out there. Because if you hope for love, you will find it. If you believe that you deserve it, you will find it.

Charlotte asks how long she needs to do this for. She says she’s been doing positive affirmations, and putting herself “out there”. But it’s not working.

She says she did find love. That she had a wonderful wedding. And then everything fell apart. And she is, “afraid that he took away my ability to believe.”

That’s how I feel.

I didn’t have the wedding. But I did find love. I loved my ex so much. Truthfully, a large part of me still does.

Lately I feel that there isn’t anybody for me. I know I’m an amazing girlfriend. I know I would be a wonderful wife, and a wonderful mummy. But I just don’t think it’s going to happen.

How can I believe that love is out there, when the only time I’ve experienced it, it was fake?

How can I believe it when he took it away?

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One Response to “The ability to believe”

  1. notbatty October 1, 2014 at 8:43 am #

    Hey P.O.D, – I am in a very simialr situation to you, but 6 months behind. First can I say THANK YOU. Your blog has helped me. It’s kept me going when I thought there was no hope, just a pit of despair. I have laughed and cried with you and you have reminded me that there’s plenty of life out there still to embrace.

    Do you remember the episode of SATC where Miranda learnt ‘he’s just not that into you’? The way to find a path back to believing that you are loveable and you will find love again is to remember that you did not leave him, he left you. He gave up, not you. It was not your love that let you down, it was his. Your love is quality stuuf. It is premium, grade A love that is worth tending to and growing and keeping out there in the world. If you don’t believe me, look at your blog and look at the cooments it has generated. Only someone with a big, fabulous heart could do this.

    You cannot help but love, it is who you are. Complete strangers, like me, are telling you that you’re fantastic. Don’t think about it, just accept it. Just be loving and you will be loveable and other people will come into your life. I’m not saying it’s easy, but, if you have a heart, a brain and an imagination, it’s the only way to live. Hang on in there, it will get better, happiness is round the corner 🙂

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