A different take on the same old problem

28 Sep

sex_and_the_city_007

Sometimes I feel so lonely I could die.

I’ve had a run of weekends recently when none of my friends were about. This is perhaps the fourth weekend in a row that I’ve spent swimming, going to yoga, and watching TV. This weekend I decided to start watching ‘Sex and the City’ from the beginning. There is no better therapy. So much of it rings so true. And it makes me feel OK to admit certain things to myself. Like the loneliness. The fear of dying alone. The resentment of smug couples and yummy mummies.

It hit me somewhere between Season 1 and Season 2 that – although I want to meet someone – what I’m really missing right now is, well, more friends. I don’t want to paint myself as a total loser. I do have friends. But a combination of factors means most of them don’t live in London. Or, don’t live in London anymore. Work is super sociable. During the week I’m surrounded by colleagues who I genuinely consider to be friends. But the weekends. Ugh. There’s nobody, unless I jump on a train to Scotland (which I’ve been doing more and more of this past year).

So maybe what I want isn’t necessarily a boyfriend.

I watch ‘Sex and the City’ and I’m so envious of that group of women with each other to turn to. That’s another thing – most of my friends in London are men. They’re fun. They’re great company. But it’s not the same as having a group of girlfriends.

So what do I do?

There’s no way I’m ever moving back to Scotland. But maybe I need to hit “Restart” on my social life.

I have tried this past year. I started yoga to try and meet new people. I didn’t meet anyone, but I discovered I love yoga. Maybe language classes would be more sociable? So I started Italian, but three classes in I couldn’t keep up with the homework and had to forget it.

If only there was a Tinder for making new friends. I have no idea how at the age of 32, settled with a flat and a career and ready-made life I go about creating a new social circle. Any ideas?

Because more and more I’m feeling like I need to prioritise. And as much as I want someone to go through life with, and marriage, and kids, and happily ever after, I also want someone to call after I’ve been on dates, and talk to before them, and visit Topshop with, and bitch about work over coffee, and eat pizza and watch DVDs.

I actually have a date this afternoon. I almost forgot.

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8 Responses to “A different take on the same old problem”

  1. angrybeeornottobee September 28, 2014 at 9:30 am #

    A date! That’s so exciting! You’re doing better than me! I’ve had zero dates and when guys find out what I do they tend to stop talking to me.

    I wish there was some way to contact you privately because I don’t want to post too much about myself publicly.

    I’m experiencing the same thing with weekends. I don’t seem to fit into other people’s life’s. This weekend has been similar to yours but instead of Sex and the City I’ve watched Grey’s Anatomy for the first time ever. I love it!

  2. plf1990 September 28, 2014 at 11:13 am #

    Have you tried ‘Meet Up’? A friend recommended it to me, it’s an app – gives groups of people who are doing things like going to the cinema or going for cocktails etc x

  3. racheve September 28, 2014 at 8:17 pm #

    I second the meet up idea!

  4. jadedwildcat September 29, 2014 at 4:14 am #

    Nice job on always finding dates to go on though!!! Some of us aren’t so lucky =\
    I’ll have guys chatting me up left, right and center only to disappear and not message back – presumably after they’ve found someone more interesting to talk to…
    Anyways, yup, yet again I’m faced with the same exact issue because I don’t even have colleagues to turn to seeing as how I work from home. My loneliness is like x1000 and I too started going swimming and trying to get out more, just so that I’m not at home all the time feeling sad and sorry for myself.
    But God yeah, I miss having a close-knit group of friends to just…disappear into.
    I don’t even care for them to be girls; guys would be fine too – just anything at this point. And you hit the nail on the head; how at this age do you go about finding that sort of thing??? Definitely not the same as when we were in school… x Good luck.

  5. somethinglikenicola September 29, 2014 at 12:52 pm #

    I’m so with you on this! I grew up in a group of girl friends, and have since relocated and it’s so hard making friends as an adult. I generally find people in completely different phase of life to me (kids etc) so it’s really hard to find common ground and people who want to go shopping, gossip etc. I’ve been told loads of times going to gym, fitness classes etc are great places to meet friends but I’ve never clicked with anyone like that. Having a boyfriend helps with company but it doesn’t fill a gap only a group of girl friends can.

    If you manage to find friend tinder let me know – I’d definitely be first to sign up to that!! xx

  6. jadedwildcat October 1, 2014 at 2:14 pm #

    Reblogged this on J4D3D W1LDC4T's Den Of Horrors and commented:
    Reblogging this because it’s just how I feel. I’m learning to let go of desperately wanting or needing a MAN to make things feel okay in my life again – but in order to really feel alright again, I think I need to make more friends. That’s what’s important but, how to go about doing that at this age?

  7. Forlorn Hope October 5, 2014 at 11:28 pm #

    Yes, that is a familiar issue. Meetup can be a great thing. Another activity I could recommend is taking an improv class. I found them to be quite therapeutic. The rules of improv are a good life philosophy. (Here’s the best thing I could find on the Internet: http://youtu.be/MUO-pWJ0riQ) Hope this helps. 😊

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