A very peculiar Tuesday (and let me remind you again to go for your smear test)

16 Sep

Today was weird. Apologies if a fairly weird post follows.

Today was the follow up from my “abnormal” smear test. I went over to Homerton Hospital for a colposcopy.

The last time I was in Homerton Hospital was just days before the pizza of doom. When I came back from New York, peeing blood with terrible cystitis, and had to haul myself over to ‘accident and emergency’. I remember not feeling that my ex was particularly empathetic. I had no idea he was planning the break up. But that’s another story.

The colposcopy wasn’t nearly as bad as I had worried it would be. Honestly, not even as bad as the smear test itself. Once I was positioned right with my legs up in the air, I relaxed. It felt like a yoga pose. I like yoga. I could do this.

Bonus, I got to watch it all on a big screen and the doctor talked me through what she could see. All was looking fine and dandy ’til she put in the dye. And then my cervix started to resemble my throat when I had tonsillitis. It wasn’t too pretty a sight.

So what does it mean? There are abnormal cells there that could be pre-cancerous. They took a biopsy (which felt quite unpleasant). Those cells will go off to get tested and in four to six weeks I’ll find out what’s going on down there. Then, I might need treatment. Or all might be OK for now.

If this all sounds a little disjointed and unsure, it’s probably because that’s how I feel. Suddenly, a lot of information comes your way. Terms you’ve never heard of. Things you’ve never considered (can I go swimming after my biopsy?). And I have every reason to believe that everything will be fine. But who knows.

I came out of my appointment today, got on the bus, got off outside my flat, came upstairs, and cried for about an hour.

I emailed my friend, who emailed back with words of absolute sense and reassurance.

I went to a restorative yoga class (which mostly involves lying on the floor, relaxing).

I came home, made pasta, watched the news.

And my ex was front-of-mind the entire time. If we were still together, what would he be telling me? What would he be doing? Would he show the same lack of empathy he did back in July last year, that morning that I found myself at the hospital, in agony?

In so many ways I love living on my own. But I’d really like somebody to talk to tonight. Even a cat.

Like I said, it was a weird day.

8 Responses to “A very peculiar Tuesday (and let me remind you again to go for your smear test)”

  1. Leah September 16, 2014 at 8:33 pm #

    Feel free to call me. I am in California, USA. 714-272-0040

    Sent from my iPhone


  2. elizabethh September 16, 2014 at 9:05 pm #

    You can always talk to me. I’m here for you.

  3. angrybeeornottobee September 17, 2014 at 8:50 pm #

    Just thought I’d let you know that I’m thinking of you and have my fingers and toes crossed for you! I know that’s not much help but I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone. You have me concerned for you and all you’re other readers/followers.xxx

  4. luciddream85 September 18, 2014 at 1:53 pm #

    What is it with men and be unsympathetic? JadedWildCat went through something similar right before she and her boyfriend ended things. WHY are men such assholes?

    -_- …… they just don’t get it.

    I hope that everything comes back normal. You’re in my thoughts!

  5. angrybeeornottobee September 20, 2014 at 10:55 pm #

    Please blog soon. Was in Starbucks today and they had pumpkin spiced lattes so I went on to check if you had blogged but nothing.

    • aprileb September 21, 2014 at 9:37 am #

      Oh I will! It’s just been a crazy week. x

      • angrybeeornottobee September 24, 2014 at 9:57 pm #

        I was relieved when you replayed but still worried about you. I really hope this week has been a lot better for you. Take care B xxx


  1. Very little can happen in a month | Pizza of Doom - October 23, 2014

    […] good news is I don’t have cancer or any pre-cancerous cells. Yayyyy for my cervix. I need to go back every six months until my body proves that we’re […]

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