The doomaversary is looming

13 Jul

nom-nom-pizza-cat

Apologies to all my male readers, but: DEAR GOD MY HORMONES ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY.

I’m totally wiped out. I’m struggling to think of a time I’ve felt this tired. Between work going bananas, trying to keep up with all my classes and hobbies and running, and dealing with hormonal issues, I really need to hibernate for some of the summer. Instead I can’t get through a night’s sleep without being woken in serious amounts of pain. Pain, I can deal with. Pain is pain. What is unexpected is the tears.

I haven’t cried about my ex in weeks. This morning I did.

I know I can blame my hormones and I know that this will pass, but I also think it’s to do with the time of year. My therapist has told me before that grief remembers anniversaries, dates and events. It’s like they become hardwired into our system and we have a physical reaction to them.

One of my friends has mentioned the same phenomenon to me before. After she went through an (entirely different but entirely just as traumatic) experience, she found herself breaking down in uncontrollable tears at some point in the future. When she traced timings back she realised it was a year to the day since her life had turned upside down. Weird things, our minds and bodies.

Anyway, a year ago right now I was all excited to be going out to visit him in New York while he was working there.

Little did I know that I would go to New York, and then the following week he would come home and tell me he had never been in love with me.

The pizza of doomaversary is three weeks away.

I’m determined to make it a positive door-closing, moving-on, life-affirming kind of experience. So I’ve booked an appointment with my psychic for the day before, and I’ve invited friends over on the 3rd of August for – yup, it has to be – pizza.

But I’m holding out my paws and asking for help. I’ve felt so good and so relieved the past few weeks, I really hope that once the 3rd of August is out of the way I will feel better still. So I’m open to suggestions on things to do that will help make this a positive experience. Whether it’s nice things to do for myself, therapeutic things, or even things to buy myself because – hell – I deserve it, I want to hear from you.

The doomaversary is looming.

What can I do to make sure it’s an ending and a new beginning?

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5 Responses to “The doomaversary is looming”

  1. Ethan Michael Carter July 13, 2014 at 3:31 pm #

    I’ve been where you are, and I couldn’t help feeling a bit of your pain as I read through your post.

    Here’s an article I wrote on my blog. It is geared toward men, but the principles can be used universally by women too. Hope it helps

    http://livemorethanyouexist.com/2013/11/09/letting-someone-go-the-9-steps-to-freedom/

  2. fateandthefearless July 13, 2014 at 3:39 pm #

    I think if you see it as an inevitable regression of all your progress, it’ll end up that way. Try and stay positive about everything and try to go out so you’re not alone! Remember, if you’re strong enough to have gotten through the past year, this one day has nothing on you. Oh and buy yourself something nice the day after to celebrate 🙂

    • aprileb July 14, 2014 at 8:36 am #

      Good advice – thank you for keeping up my positivity!

  3. luciddream85 July 13, 2014 at 10:20 pm #

    If you have anything left of his that you’re hanging onto, I’d burn it or cut it up. Also, write a letter to ‘him’ (maybe on here) pouring out everything you’ve accomplished without him, and just kind of a final letter of closure to everything.

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