Don’t you remember?

5 Jun

I’m doing OK right now. Today I had a three-hour client presentation that went brilliantly (if I do say so myself). I came home in the sunshine, and packed to head to Brighton for the weekend tomorrow with my best friend from Edinburgh.

Has enough time passed for me to heal? Maybe. But I’ve also been actively batting away thoughts of him. I don’t allow myself to think of him. At all. Because it does still hurt. It might do forever. But I do not intend to spend the rest of my life being “hurt”.

No space in my brain for stupid, happy memories. No room to relive the stress of last summer. No reason to hurt myself by going over and over the worst time of my life. The shock. The grief. The falling apart.

It’s all packed away in a bit of my brain I don’t care to visit.

Except the one thought I can’t bat away is whether he thinks of me. How he told me he’d spent his whole life looking for me and would never let me go.

I must have meant something to you.

Don’t you remember?

4 Responses to “Don’t you remember?”

  1. LoveHeimer June 5, 2014 at 7:31 pm #

    We love, we want, we need at some point a man in our life… and then another one…but it is well known that the soul has the ability to regenerate….and that happens until we find THE ONE… when that happens we do not stop loving and thinking about him no matter what it happens or what we do… please read this… …maybe it will help you in this challenging time. Be strong! You are not alone! 🙂

  2. luciddream85 June 5, 2014 at 11:50 pm #

    He thinks of you more than you realize. It’s the one thing I’ve come to understand with exes that I both talk to quite often and even others that I go years without speaking too. Every last one of them has told me that they think of me often, that I’m what they compare other women too, that they realize how young and foolish they were. I hear “If I could do it all over again …” One day (mark my words) you will hear from him again. And when it happens, it will be up to you as to what the next step is.

  3. thewholeheartedblog June 6, 2014 at 3:29 pm #

    Okay is good. Glad to hear things are better, buddy!

  4. jadedwildcat June 8, 2014 at 10:53 pm #

    Sigh. I think about this too. I might have been the one to walk away but what about the four/five times HE walked away and then returned to do it to me all over again?
    It’s so awful to think that you’d found the one you were meant to spend your life with and then it turns out it was a mistake?…

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