23 May

One of my friends (male) started a new job last week. He’s already off sick.

Men. Pathetic.

It makes me think back to September when I started my new job in the depths of pizza of doom distress. I didn’t sleep. I could hardly eat. I was so completely miserable I couldn’t focus on anything. I used to wake up at 3 am every day and sit in the bath crying until 7 am. Then I’d throw on some clothes and head to the office.

I’m sure I made a great impression on my colleagues.

But the point is, I did it. I’m really hard on myself about not being over my ex, but I have to give myself credit for how far I’ve come and how completely impossible it seemed at the time. They say that the three most stressful things you can do in life are 1) break up, 2) change jobs, 3) move house. I did two at once. And mentally the third, because I was all ready to move in with him. I did it. Myself. And I’m stronger for it.

I think my challenge now is letting my guard down. Coming back out of my turtle shell and being open to new people.

As usual, Nashville has a great song to go with this thought.

One Response to “Stronger”

  1. jadedwildcat May 24, 2014 at 2:54 am #

    God, that crying from 3-7am thing…. =(
    I went through similar horrors, crying and straining with absolute heartshattering sorrow all day long, being exhausted at night but STILL not being able to sleep (not even just because of the dreams about him…)

    You really have come through so much, and yes you should be proud of what you’ve achieved. Doesn’t matter if you still cry, still hurt, still wonder and wish… it’s now a good while later and you’re still here, alive and kicking.
    I tell myself the same kind of thing every day, and we really need to.
    Someone told me last fall (when I was in the worst of my own situation) that that same time THIS year, I’d be in a much different, much better place — and I can already see the beginnings of it happening, so long as I hold on and keep faith.
    Hugs to you, April.
    You done good.

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