Scaredy cat

10 Apr


I have so much to talk to you lovely people about and so little time in which to do it.

For now I will tell you this: I am going to New York tomorrow.

And I’m scared.

I’m scared of how it’s going to make me feel. I know I’ll be washed over with memories of my time there with him. And the knowledge that, well, New York’s kind of where it all fell apart. For him, anyway. I was sat at home in Hackney being miserable, pining for him, crossing my paws that he still loved me.

My counsellor says that I will feel weird when I get there. Really weird. But that I must try and “meet the feeling” rather than let it “dissolve me”. Hmm. I think I have a tendency to dissolve these days. If “dissolving” means breaking down in tears every hour or so and forgetting that I have mascara streaked right across my face.

But it’s my business trip this time. Because I do sh** like that – flying across the Atlantic on business. People pay for me to do it. I’m just as important as him. I’m just as good at my job as him (OK, maybe not, but I’m definitely quite good at this particular aspect of it – presenting and stuff – it’s my favourite). And, hell, I’ll spend as long as I like browsing in Sephora, thank you very much.

I talk a good game, but I’m genuinely a little petrified that this trip is going to erode me further still.

I guess I’m just a massive scaredy cat.



2 Responses to “Scaredy cat”

  1. elizabethhiggins April 10, 2014 at 7:59 pm #

    Good luck! Bring a good book to read on the plane, think about your presentation, and have a cocktail. I’m sure that it will feel weird, but maybe it will be a piece of your healing puzzle that you have been looking for.

    Sephora and retail therapy might also help 🙂 I’m sending lots of positive vibes your way!

  2. luciddream85 April 10, 2014 at 8:11 pm #

    Once you get through it the first time, it will be a piece of cake after that. Doing all of the things that remind me of Andy for the first time are always heartbreaking. But I’ve realized the second time around isn’t so bad after all. Enjoy your trip and your shopping. The weather is finally starting to warm up just a tad on the east coast. I hope the weather is great up there!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: