I miss you like a hole in the head

1 Apr

Happy April, everyone!

I’m determined to come out of this month feeling better. Grrrrr. Listen to that determination. I will also come out of this month and get straight on a flight to Florida at the start of May. How could that not make my life better?

My determination is getting more gutsy because the past few days have just sucked. In a funny way, being around my family makes me feel acutely alone. My sister has gone on to create a family with three whole other people besides herself who are there every day and who love each other. I have… oh yes, it would just be me. It makes me feel like such a failure.

Last night I came home, made some scrambled eggs, ate a walnut whip, and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried about my ex. Ohhh, it’s getting terribly boring. I bored myself in the end, popped a sleeping tablet, and went to bed.

I emailed my friend Andy this morning and had a good old moan about it. I asked Andy, “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” That’s what I’m starting to worry about, you see. I’m eight months into this break up. And it still f***ing hurts. I think when Irish Two and I ended things it left a hole, and my brain filled it with the ex.

Andy made a very good point. He’s a wise big idiot, really. He works in the same kind of job as me (doing creative things in marketing land). The way that he sees it, creative brains need to be doing something at all times. The only time we turn them off is when we’re asleep. And, even then, anyone who works in creative knows what it’s like to wake in the night with a brilliant idea you have to write down (which invariably turns out to be total sh** when looked at in the cold light of day).

Anyway, this makes sense. Irish Two and I went our separate ways. Then, Irish Two went on holiday to New York. I was left with a big old hole. And my brain decided to stuff that hole full of memories of my ex.

Today, Irish Two is home and has been on email. It feels a little better already.

But ultimately my brain is going to have to get used to that space. And leave it open for someone worthwhile to fill with new memories one of these days.

Andy also said, “Imagine how stupid [ex’s name went here] is going to feel when your blog gets made into the next Sex and the City and the whole world is saying, “What tool dumped her?””.

Yes, he’s a wise big idiot at times.

2 Responses to “I miss you like a hole in the head”

  1. luciddream85 April 1, 2014 at 6:01 pm #

    I like this Andy a lot better than I like mine 🙂

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