Damn you, Facebook

28 Mar

Excuse my posting just hours after my last post.

I’ve had a Facebooktastrophe.

Ever since the pizza of doom I have been so so so good at not looking at him on social media. The very night of the pizza of doom I deleted him from everything. Everything, I tell you!

Today I was looking through old pictures and there was a photo he had commented on. A photo from last summer. At a wedding I went to with him. He’s not in the photo. But he had commented back at the time. Anyway, I noticed that his little profile picture shot had changed.

Goodness knows what came over me, but I clicked to look at his profile.

Stupid me.

It is very, very obvious to me that (although he is wearing a really terrible fedora in this photo) he is very much in love with whoever is taking the photo. It’s there. In his eyes. He’s alone in the photo. But, you know, someone’s taking it. Someone I hate.

I feel physically sick. My arms are like lead. My breathing has gone mental and I can’t stop shaking.

It is so incredibly, incredibly unfair that eight months on I am left this shattered, weird version of myself while he has sauntered right into meeting someone.

I f***ing hate him.

And I f***ing love him.

5 Responses to “Damn you, Facebook”

  1. thewholeheartedblog March 28, 2014 at 5:55 pm #

    Facebook is a cruel, cruel resource. I still check my exes fb here and there, just so I can see things for myself instead of being surprised from our mutual friends.

    Out of sight, out of mind is a true statement.

  2. elizabethhiggins March 28, 2014 at 6:04 pm #

    Ugh, Facebook is the worst!

  3. jadedwildcat March 28, 2014 at 11:46 pm #

    Oh my God……..
    I could actually FEEL that sick feeling that must have come over you when you saw that!!!
    See, this is exactly why I never just delete, I also block so that nothing, not even old comments show up.
    😦 😦 So very sorry you had to come face to face with that….. Hugs.
    I hope you’re okay. x

  4. plf1990 March 29, 2014 at 8:03 am #

    😦 big hug x

  5. Forlorn Hope March 31, 2014 at 6:25 pm #

    You’d think after eight months of pain things like that would not happen or at least not bother one anymore. But they do. And it never seems to feel easier. Common wisdom says that it will. Perhaps. For now, we got our memories and the pain they bring.

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