He’s just not him

17 Feb

Obviously yesterday I was thinking about my ex. Hence the post dedicated to him. Hence crying. Hence going to bed early and tossing and turning until I took a sleeping tablet.

It’s been a while since that happened.

And I don’t think it’s unrelated to Irish Two.

Irish Two and I had a lovely meal at this fancy restaurant he had booked on Saturday night. I arrived looking as hot as I possibly good. Straight hair, tight dress, red lips, even heels. My feet hate heels. He didn’t greet me by telling me I looked nice, of course. He greeted me with news from his day on a comedy writing course. Hmph.

At some point during dinner he did tell me that I looked nice. At some point he held my hand.

When the bill arrived, we played ‘guess how much money we spent’. I was horrified to hear the result. I reached into my purse for my Amex and – thankfully – Irish Two said he would pay and that I could pay next week. I like this system. Each week one of us plans the date and then pays for it. This works for me. I can keep things within budget if I want to.

We went back to his and had some good sex.

(I then developed a really sore stomach and lay in bed terrified that I was going to vomit. As he shares a house with three other guys and there are three flights of stairs between his room and the bathroom, this was a very distressing situation.)

In the morning we went for breakfast.

I just don’t feel like he cares about me. I’m someone for him to hang out with on Saturdays. Someone for him to have sex with.

I feel like I need to raise the subject. Not to ask him to be my boyfriend – I don’t want that right now. But just to ask how he sees me, what he feels about me.

It’s hard because, of course, I compare things. With my ex I felt so loved, so cherished, so wanted, so cosy. And yet – surprise surprise – he never meant any of it. With Irish Two I don’t feel any of those things. Really, which is the preferable situation?

I talked to my Mum about my date last night. Of course, leaving out the sexual details. I told her that I like Irish Two, that we have loads to talk about, that I fancy him, that he’s fun.

She asked, “But?”

“But he’s not [ex’s name went here].”

10 Responses to “He’s just not him”

  1. jadedwildcat February 17, 2014 at 4:05 pm #

    Totally feeling this too. Sigh.

  2. shiftybananas February 17, 2014 at 4:17 pm #

    You have no idea how similar out lives are now. I just had a sit down chat with my Irish about basically the same thing. I’m not feeling he’s interested in me or finds me attractive or any of that, I’m just convenient. And to be fair I think I’m just not ready. It’s hard not to compare, you don’t want to but it happens. What I’ve decided is that I need time on my own. I’ve healed (sort of) and now I just need to be with me.

    I hope things work out on your end 🙂 hang in there!

    • aprileb February 17, 2014 at 5:51 pm #

      I think I’m the same, you know. I’m going to invite Irish over tomorrow night. If I don’t see him then, I’m seeing him on Saturday. But I think I need to talk to him about stuff. I too just feel convenient – very well described.

      Hmph. How did your Irish react? x

      • shiftybananas February 18, 2014 at 8:58 am #

        He wanted some time to think about what I’ve said :/ I’m not sure this is headed anywhere, really, and I’m ok with that.

      • aprileb February 18, 2014 at 9:33 am #

        I think I’m going to try and chat to my Irish tonight. Maybe I just need some time on my own too. I don’t feel any less lonely when I’m with him, so…

  3. luciddream85 February 17, 2014 at 5:52 pm #

    I’m sorry. 😦 I have that problem too. I compare my new boyfriend to Andy all of the time. Except he really is into me … more than I am him. And I feel like I’m forcing feelings sometimes.

    I keep wondering when this is going to get easier? I was at lunch just now, got out of my car, and saw Andy’s ‘car’ (obviously not his car, but one like it) and it pulled at my heart … because for that split second, I forgot that we weren’t together.

    What are we supposed to do?

    • jadedwildcat February 17, 2014 at 11:28 pm #

      Oh my God. I could have written this comment myself – even the whole ‘car’ thing happened to me just yesterday and happens all the time, actually. 😦
      I am also struggling with having someone new in my life but always doing the comparison thing – which is so unfair but I can’t help it… I’m sure you feel the same.
      What ARE we supposed to do?

      • aprileb February 18, 2014 at 9:32 am #

        It is TOUGH. I wish we all could get together for coffee and chat about this. I feel like even though I don’t even think this dude is into me, I’m almost forcing what feelings I have.

        I hate that you guys feel the same. But I love that we can share x

  4. Opus Eye February 18, 2014 at 12:45 am #


    would it be better if you sold the Dran print, Poulet Dinosaure?

    I would like to buy it.


    Date: Mon, 17 Feb 2014 15:21:45 +0000 To: opus_eye@hotmail.co.uk

    • aprileb February 18, 2014 at 9:31 am #


      Could you be less sensitive? I got your message before re the print, and responded. I’ve had a few people contact me re buying it, which I don’t intend to do at the moment.

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