Emotional baggage

8 Feb

After Christmas I mentioned that I’d been talking to a new Irish guy on the eHarmony. Well, we actually went on our first date on the 12th of January.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous before a first date. Or spent more time straightening my hair. The date was…meh.

Irish was doing ‘dry January’ and off alcohol for the month. Now, I’m not a girl who can hold her alcohol too well, so I’m all for having fun without a Negroni in my paw. But, a first date. It wasn’t the smoothest.

However, we clearly liked each other.

We had two more sober dates before he went snowboarding for a few days and I got sick with tonsillitis. And a few things were starting to bother me, aside from the sobriety. He’s a noisy eater. He didn’t really show me any affection. And he never offered to pay for me. I’m absolutely a ‘split the bill’ kind of girl, but I wanted him to want to pay for me. Or at least tell me that I look nice.

I couldn’t work it out. He called me from Austria when he was snowboarding. He emails and texts me all the time. When I had tonsillitis he offered to bring me fro yo. And at the end of every date – fabulous snogging. But no sweetness. No compliments.

So, last Saturday night he came over to hang out with me. I was still exhausted from being ill, so I made us a pizza (yes – pizza – can’t get enough of it these days), we drank some Aperol and watched rubbish on TV. We started kissing, ended up in my bedroom, and we did not have sex but things did go further. Suddenly I felt terrible. I just wanted him to go home. Which he did. And I cried. Lots.

On Wednesday night I saw my counsellor and we kind of agreed that while he might be a nice fling to have, this dude was just not connecting with me emotionally.

I was in his neighbourhood to see my counsellor anyway, so we met up for dinner (and split the bill). Afterwards we went for a drink and – low and behold – Irish turned to me and said, “I don’t feel like we’re really connecting.”

We talked about things. He told me about some of his ex relationships, and how he was brought up not to discuss his feelings. He told me he doesn’t want to go through life like that. I told him about the ex, and said it upset me that he never even tells me that I look nice. Suddenly it was easy to be a little more touchy feely with each another. The whole time I was so hung up on him not showing me affection, but I wasn’t showing him any either.

He said something very interesting. That when people are our age (he’s a year older than me), we all have emotional baggage. I thought about it, and sure enough all of my single friends have scars of the heart. But, as Irish says, we need to be honest about stuff or we’ll never connect.

We’re going to the cinema tonight, then for dinner and cocktails. And tomorrow morning, we’re going for pancakes.

4 Responses to “Emotional baggage”

  1. intothebeauty February 8, 2014 at 3:31 pm #

    Oh wow. What a story. I’m so glad you guys talked it out. No wonder neither of you were connecting-you’ve been hurt. I try not to do that with my new boy. I catch myself feeling those past insecurities and I’m still trying to learn to be honest with him. He read my blog. I guess it doesn’t get much more honest than that. Good for you lady. Lots of love from the states xox

  2. JoyMariah February 8, 2014 at 3:32 pm #

    KEEP LOOKING! there has to be one that does all the things you want, compliments you, offers to pay (even if you dont want him to), everything! THE TOTAL PACKAGE! Have fun with m in the meantime, but dont settle!!! : )

  3. luciddream85 February 10, 2014 at 1:36 am #

    Well, isn’t that interesting? Who says you have to connect from the word “go”? I mean, I wouldn’t force it, but maybe when you’ve been hurt so many times, you become guarded and perhaps a bit jaded. Sometimes nobody wants to let their walls down, and nobody wants to try to climb them either. It looks ilke you both are at least giving this an honest shot. 🙂


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