Get out of my dreams

6 Dec

I went to bed last night (having not cried all day – yay me!), thinking that I might just be starting to feel a little better. I might just be getting closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. I might just be starting to make my peace with this heartbreak.

After all, B has been texting a lot (I worry too much). My counsellor is really helping me to make sense of everything. I don’t feel like such a Grinch about Christmas. And I’m so busy, I have a lot less time to just sit and cry.

And then I went to sleep.

And dreamt about him.

Here’s what went down: 

I was getting into a taxi somewhere in Florida, and ended up at a hotel in India (as you do). At the hotel, my ex had booked us a room that was, in fact, situated right in the middle of the lobby. He was there. And he wanted me to go and travel around the world with him. His Dad was on the phone asking if we were back together, then his Mum. He said he had read my blog and thought it was amazing. He had everything planned: I should quit my job, he would pay for everything, we’d travel and end up in Japan where we’d spend months exploring. (We were supposed to be going to Japan next year.) We’d get back to London and I could freelance while he went back to his job. Life would be just as we planned it. Just as I wanted it.

And I said, “Yes”.

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6 Responses to “Get out of my dreams”

  1. jadedwildcat December 6, 2013 at 6:37 pm #

    Not sure if you’ve been keeping up with my posts but, definitely this dream business is one of the WORST for me as well…
    Sometimes I actually think I did okay throughout the day, and then when it comes time to go to sleep, I wind up staying up so, so late simply because I’m afraid to sleep and dream about H.
    Hugs. No way to stop it either =(

    • Farmer Farthing December 6, 2013 at 8:03 pm #

      I’m exactly the same, in fact my piece tomorrow is going to be about my dream last night! When he first left me, I dreamed about him every single night for weeks, it was torture. I used to dread waking too because for the first couple of seconds, life felt normal-I felt normal and then that wave of grief would hit me anew. Keep your chins up girls, it gets easier and the dreams lessen in time xxx

      • jadedwildcat December 6, 2013 at 8:06 pm #

        Oh my Lord 😦 You’re so right about that first few seconds of waking, and everything seems “okay”, just as it always was… and then you remember everything 😦 😦 😦
        Why must this be so painful?? I feel I will never get better…… ever.

      • Farmer Farthing December 6, 2013 at 10:52 pm #

        You will, eventually. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve mentioned you both in tomorrows piece called ‘What Becomes of the Broken Hearted’. It’s supposed to be an inspirational bit of writing. I hope you can both take comfort from it, the way I do when reading yours 🙂 xxx

      • aprileb December 6, 2013 at 11:43 pm #

        Ladies, love you both for understanding. Looking forward to your post, Sam x

  2. Forlorn Hope December 14, 2013 at 6:17 pm #

    I hate those dreams. And I love them. It’s complicated.

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