Backwards motion

24 Nov

I had decided I was going to feel a lot better when I got back from holiday. I thought the time away would have put distance between me and the horrible, horrible past few months.

But for some reason I’m unable to stop crying.

When I booked my holiday, I still thought I was going to be living with him by now. After all, that’s what he had planned. I thought – for once – I would be coming home to someone. To the heating turned on. To food in the fridge. To a cuddle.

I came home to an empty flat. Empty fridge. Empty heart.

Sometimes it feels like my life is going backwards.

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4 Responses to “Backwards motion”

  1. jadedwildcat November 24, 2013 at 6:55 pm #

    The weird thing is… as sad and empty and heartbroken as you feel, you are really doing things the right way, and I want you to know that.
    Some of us just never learn how to cope and push through pain; we instead turn to other things to make it better, or mask it. Or worse, some of us end up going through it again and again somehow.
    I feel you’re really on the road to just finding yourself and where you can be truly content. You’re weathering all the bad stuff first is all. x

    • aprileb November 24, 2013 at 7:08 pm #

      Thank you, buddy. I needed to hear that x

  2. mick1982 November 25, 2013 at 5:51 pm #

    Sidenote: When I clicked to “Like” the post I’m not clicking to say I “Like” that you are absolutely miserable but that I understand where your coming from and I “Like” that you can express your pain which no doubt is a good thing. Something felt kinda weird about clicking “Like” after a post like that. Just wanted you to know that lol

    • aprileb November 25, 2013 at 10:13 pm #

      Ha! Don’t worry, I know. I often have the same thought.

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