What will it take to get over my ex?

18 Nov

I’m kind of mad at myself. I am ruining my own holiday. I am thinking about him constantly. And I don’t know how to turn it off.

I’m here with my parents who clearly think, after nearly four months, I must be OK. They are very much of the ‘suck it up and get on with your life’ school of thought. I’ve tried to bring it up a few times, commenting on how shot my immune system is because I haven’t slept since July, telling them I am really not that interested in Christmas because I’m just a spare part hanging around my sister’s family, and even (last night) saying that 2013 has been the worst year of my life. On all accounts, no comment.

It’s not that they don’t care. They were actually great when it all happened. I just don’t think they have any experience or comprehension of this kind of thing. My sister is perfectly married with kids. I’m the emotional nut job with nobody.

But I don’t like the fact I can feel myself reverting back to being a surly teenager (I was a horrible teenager), when I’m 31.

I just don’t know how to snap out of it. I don’t know what will ever make me feel OK.

I have a good job.

I have a lovely flat filled with lovely things.

I have gorgeous, wonderful friends.

I have a nice family who are just the right amount of crazy.

I have my health. Usually I am superhero healthy, it’s just recently that I’m constantly ill.

I have great hair.

But, honestly, a lot of the time I feel like there’s no point to my life. And I feel bad saying that because I know how many people are so much worse off than me. Also I sound so embarrassingly dramatic (I told you I’m reverting to my teenage self, next thing you know I’ll be dressing like a Spice Girl).

I just wonder what it’s going to take to feel good again.

Unlike my teenage self, I’m going to canvass opinion. So, blogger buddies, any ideas?

19 Responses to “What will it take to get over my ex?”

  1. mick1982 November 18, 2013 at 3:46 pm #

    It’s just going to take more time. I feel so many of the same things u feel. The problem is we just have to accept that you will have good days and we will have bad ones. It just has to get to the point where there are more good days in a week than bad ones. Eventually, they will all be good ones. Another thing is we can’t beat our selves up because we aren’t healed already. These things just take time. I promise it is going to work in the end. I’m still pissed you can’t eat pizza tho lol

    • aprileb November 18, 2013 at 3:52 pm #

      Thank you. It’s so good to know you feel a lot of the same things. I don’t know why it’s such a relief to hear that, I guess it means I’m not a complete mentalist! I just never expected to still feel this way and I try not to beat myself up for it, but… I’m making myself miserable.

      I do miss pizza! I went out with my parents and some of their friends a few nights ago to a place that does amazing pizza, but I couldn’t do it. Ended up with a tomato salad thing instead.

      Whenever I finally eat pizza again, you’ll be the first to know!

      • mick1982 November 18, 2013 at 4:17 pm #

        Well I better be:) Yes it does feel good to know othe people feel the same way..its encouraging. Let me tell you this. I sit at this stupid desk from 9-5 everyday with very little work so I spend a lot of time messing around on the computer and/or wordpress. Every thing you write I read and it helps get me through my day because the stuff your write sounds so similar to the way I feel. Thank you for writing all your posts. I’m always here too:)

      • aprileb November 18, 2013 at 4:20 pm #

        Ah, that makes me smile. I love my little wordpress community. It’s something positive to come out of all of this.

  2. Forlorn Hope November 18, 2013 at 4:11 pm #

    If you ever figure it out, do let me know. :-/ Just this morning, as I was calmly sitting at my desk translating a document, my treacherous mind went to her and my heart went into the afterburner mode. I have tried everything I could think to shake off the shackles of my love for my ex! Am I just addicted to pain? To misery? Some days I feel like there is a way out and I just need to keep at it and other days I am just not sure how much more of this I can take.

    • aprileb November 18, 2013 at 4:21 pm #

      I know just how you feel. It can strike at the most random moments. Some days I think I just can’t take it any more. Then I get moments when I feel ok and just feeling ok makes me completely hyper. It’s painful and confusing. Let’s hope we get there eventually.

  3. kassiopeia13 November 18, 2013 at 4:27 pm #

    First off, I really enjoy reading your blog! I can relate a lot to what you’re going through. I’m in a similar situation right now, except that he seems to have moved on with another girl already while I’m the one who can’t let go. I thought I was on a good way and can be happy but then I keep having these setbacks and I crumble to pieces again. What I try to do is stay busy and focus on my own life and the dreams that I have for myself. Life isn’t always going smoothly but I guess that’s what makes us appreciate the good things in it even more. You seem like a wonderful girl so it’s also his loss, don’t forget that! Wish you all the best, just keep moving and it will get better 🙂

    • aprileb November 18, 2013 at 4:39 pm #

      Thank you! I’m so happy that you enjoy reading my blog and that you can relate. I’m sorry to hear about your own situation. It sounds really, really tough. You are absolutely right that it’s important to focus on your own life, and that’s what I’m going to try and do more of. I hope it’s working (or at least beginning to work) for you. I feel like next year has got to be better. But I’m genuinely scared that it won’t be.

      Anyway, thank you for all the support, and I hope you are doing ok x

  4. luciddream85 November 18, 2013 at 4:52 pm #

    Other than your idiot ass of an ex coming to his senses, time is the only friend (and enemy) you have. I think they say it takes half the time you are with someone, to get over them. If you’re together a year, six months is probably a good starting point to feel better. The guy I was with for three years, I cried over him for two years after. Everyone is different, and there is no time limit.

    • aprileb November 19, 2013 at 2:26 am #

      I love that you always diss my ex the way that I feel I can’t! It’s true, of course. Time time time. Hey, did you get the How To Survive book? Do you like it?

      • luciddream85 November 19, 2013 at 4:47 am #

        I’m reading it now. I love the poetry (probably because its so sad).

  5. intothebeauty November 18, 2013 at 4:53 pm #

    Everyone on this thread has great advice. You’re doing just find, April. You recognize all of the amazing things you DO have in your life, which shows you understand your place in this world, but yes. Your heart hurts. And like Mick1982 said, you’re going to have good and bad days. The good days feel extra good because of how awful the bad ones are.

    Heartbreak boils down to one thing: Humans do NOT like change. We loathe it in it’s entirety, and we’d much rather keep ourselves distraught and in pain because it’s comfortable and what we know-rather than delve into the unknown and travel down a road that’s unfamiliar and that wasn’t in our original plan. Sometimes I wonder if we prefer this mental sadness because we still don’t want to let go. Even after all this time, I have aches in my heart now and again, and I know it’s because I’m not ready to 100% leave the already dead relationship.

    It’s also very hard to grasp the concept of creating your own feelings and being able to control your emotions. I still have a hard time realizing that I am the only one who can make me feel the way I do, and I’m sure you feel the same way. We can’t ignore the fact that it is not the outside world that makes us “feel.” The world acts as a catalyst. We do NOT have control over what happens to us in this life. The only thing we have control over is our reactions to it. As hard as it is to know, it’s the truth.

    “We are only a product of what we THINK we are.”


    • aprileb November 19, 2013 at 2:58 am #

      Thank you, as ever! You’re right. Change is tough. Especially when it is brought upon you and then you need to decide what to do about it. And I know I am not ready to leave my dead relationship. How pathetic is that? I still can’t really grasp what has happened.

      • intothebeauty November 19, 2013 at 4:41 pm #

        It’s not pathetic at all. I think people who don’t hurt and feel as much as we do never truly loved. You’re not pathetic, love. You’re human. And real. And feel so deep. Someone will be lucky enough to be with you to experience that someday. It’s a gift. (Though, sometimes, a curse)

  6. K. A. Smith November 18, 2013 at 7:00 pm #

    It’s gonna take time. It’ll click for you at a point when you’re ready. You’re feeling all the feelings that come with breakups and that is okay. It took weeks and weeks of my friends telling me and repeating “be kind to yourself”. I finally got it and in some ways it translated to healing and feeling better. There are still days where I hurt and try to find some solution by going through old memories and conversations trying to figure out who was wrong, me or her (it’s always her)…Sometimes you just gotta feel all the feelings, strip yourself down and cry. I have stock in Kleenex now 🙂 But it gets better. It really does just take time and each person takes as much or as little time as they need. And we are so here for you! Vent and get it out. Big hugs! And Enjoy your day because you have Amazing Hair!! 🙂

    • aprileb November 19, 2013 at 2:29 am #

      Thank you. I really want to heal, but I just don’t think I’m there yet. I feel like my brain is still trying to work stuff out. But at some point I’ll be able to say, “it happened. I can’t change it. It’s over.” And concentrate on me. X

  7. elizabethhiggins November 18, 2013 at 10:07 pm #

    Time. Lots of time.

  8. Jackie November 19, 2013 at 3:39 am #

    I see you’re dropping hints to your family you aren’t over it, but have you flat out just told them in your words, “I know you probably are surprised I’m not over my breakup and think I should have been able to move on by by now, but I haven’t. I could really use the understanding you showed me around the time of the breakup now even though it is 4 months later.” Sometimes we think people should pick up on our hints and offer empathy, but they don’t and we feel upset even though if we just asked for support, the person would likely give it to us.


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