What is there to say?

27 Oct

I’m feeling really low. I’m struggling to sleep without my sleeping pills again. I’m even low on inspiration for my blog.

What is there to say?

It’s been 12 weeks.

I still cry nearly every day.

Sometimes I hate him.

Sometimes I hate myself.

I’m so busy trying to distract myself that I’m exhausted.

I’ve seen two therapists.

Two doctors.

Three psychics.

Lost count of the massage therapists.

Nothing really makes me happy anymore.

I’m not even looking forward to Christmas.

I’m angry at myself for sounding so miserable and self-centered.

And I still love him.

Apparently there’s a huge storm about to sweep across the country. I hope it blows the past away.

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3 Responses to “What is there to say?”

  1. Wise Sass October 28, 2013 at 4:41 am #

    So I always look for the reason why something happened in the big, grand scope of life. I know in 5 years, 10 years, I will have moved on from this break-up and I’ll be happy because I won’t let this break-up rule my life, know what I mean? It’s MY life and I’m not going to let one prick dictate MY happiness or the course of MY life. We have to CHOOSE TO MAKE OUR OWN HAPPINESS!!! So, having said that, I’ve read this little snippet many times and in many forms, but it seems to really help me. It makes me less sad and makes me just try to figure out reason or season, and what the purpose was, exactly:

    When someone is in your life for a REASON,
    it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
    They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
    to provide you with guidance and support;
    to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
    They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
    They are there for the reason you need them to be.

    Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
    this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
    Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
    Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
    What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
    The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

    Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
    because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
    They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
    They may teach you something you have never done.
    They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
    Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

    LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
    things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
    Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
    and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
    It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

  2. Aussa Lorens October 28, 2013 at 5:44 am #

    :-/ Hang in there.
    Maybe you’re right about the storm.

  3. anoninthecity October 28, 2013 at 6:54 am #

    Dont give yourself a time frame to move on by a certain time, everyone is different and you will get through it!

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