Words of wisdom

23 Oct

I’ve stopped even looking at my online dating profile. There’s no point. I only want him. And, more importantly, I need to put me first. I don’t want to sound pathetic, but I think I’m too vulnerable right now. Too easily hurt. I still think about him all the time. I’ve been someone’s rebound before. I never want to do that to a person.

So I’m making peace with the idea that I’m going to be on my own. The question is, how long will I be on my own? I want time to myself. I want to feel OK by myself. But I don’t want to be on my own forever, and more and more I fear that is what will happen. As I’ve mentioned before, my flat is too small for a cat. This is a problem. Am I likely to ever meet anyone else, though? It took me so long to find him, and I have never felt that way about anyone else.

I want to share the wise words of my friend Kate on this point. She sent me this email a few days ago.

So, I don’t think you’re going to have a boyfriend again, yet. I think it’s too soon and remember how long it took you to be interested in boys again after the disaster that was ___. It’s going to take time before you get back on the, um, pony. But I do think it will happen again for you. I also think that, you know, this has without doubt been the hardest break up ever. So different from everything else. Monumental. It’s kind of kicked all those other sh*t head boyfriends into touch. And I almost feel that maybe it happened for a reason. This kind of emotive force is a game changer. The other relationships were painful, sad, painful, sad but they didn’t knock you to the floor like this. When you come out the other side, you will be different. Not that you need to be different, I just mean that it will change you. And maybe you had to do this to hit rock bottom with the boys so that you can come out the other side stronger and in a better place. I’m not sure that I am articulating this properly. But I feel that the whole adage about hitting rock bottom before you get up is going round my head. This is your rock bottom and from that point, the future is often brighter.

Kate was the one I called immediately after the pizza of doom. Kate came over and stayed the night with me, and has been on-hand ever since with advice and amazingness.

She’s a good egg. And a very smart one.

One Response to “Words of wisdom”

  1. annemariehro October 23, 2013 at 8:05 pm #

    I totally agree with her! You should take your time 🙂 People say that the only way to get over a broken heart is to fall in love all over again. And it is true! You need to start falling in love with yourself and everything else will be history! This kind of experiences are life changing and we always have to see thru them to become better persons, change, grow and become stronger.

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