Hmmm. I went to see a tarot reader today. Not one who I have been to before, but every time I have dabbled in this kind of thing I have left feeling confident, happy and excited about the future. As well as a little delighted that they could actually tell me stuff that they could not have otherwise known.
This time was different.
I just had a feeling about the woman doing the reading. A feeling that I really didn’t like her. For a start, she wouldn’t stop talking about what a stressful couple of days she’d had (whilst stuffing her face with biscuits). Em. I’ve had a pretty stressful few weeks myself, let’s talk about me seeing as I’m the one paying for this little get together.
Her main focus was that I am so keen to prove myself that I tend to trample on other people. Honestly, I am such a self-aware person. I have plenty of faults. Plenty. But this is just not one of them. I over-analyse every interaction with every person to make sure that the other person is OK. I worry constantly about the feelings of others. If anything I trample on myself at times.
As soon as she found out that my ex’s career had something to do with banking (she asked me straight out what he did, didn’t even attempt to tell me), she painted him with the ‘banker’ brush and described the stereotype that we’ve all been encouraged to despise over recent years.
I actually felt myself withdrawing from the whole thing emotionally. How dare she tell me about my relationship. How dare she speak badly of him. How dare she presume to know anything about my career or family or lifestyle.
She also slagged off ‘Sex and the City’.
I left feeling sad and angry.
And I just don’t know what else to say about this right now.
But in other news, my little blog is one-month old today. Thank you all for reading. I apologise for being slightly mental right now.
Pizza of Doom 
Hey,
When someone gets to know that she left me, they’ll try to console me by trying to say that she was never good for me. My instant reply is, that we are not together doesn’t mean i can hear anything bad about her. Nor could I accept that in past, not will I accept that in future.I am not with her but I love her.
As of these Tarot readers, we here have astrologers here and trust me they command such a huge following, and they are all fake. They can’t predict their own next moment, what to say about ours. If that was your way of spending an eventful evening, then I have no suggestions to make 😛
Honestly, I only know you through WordPress and only for about that month you’ve had your account, and even *I* can tell already that that would never be your personality to trample on others! Just through your writing, you seem very considerate and caring and always concerned about others … :S Pretty insane that she’d draw up such a crazy conclusion about you.
Also, the biscuit-stuffing and gabbing?? Nuh-uh.
If I’d been there, and been caught in a bad mood I probably would have said something right out, like, How’s about I come back when you’re not too busy stuffing face and complaining on MY dime?
Seriously – pretty sucky experience, sorry to hear.
I”ve been thinking, maybe you could go the route that I’ve just started to try, which is self-hypnosis? Order some really good CDs and see what happens? I’ve only just begun, but it seems like I at least am susceptible to suggestive thought and maybe it could help you a bit? Shrug.
Hope the rest of your weekend goes well anyway x
Oh, thank you, buddy. I woke up at like 5 am having the craziest nightmares (trying to sleep without zopiclone on weekends is not fun). Anyway, this made me feel better. So thank you thank you thank you.
Self-hypnosis might be a way to go. I have a bunch of hypnosis apps on my iPhone but never seem to have the peace and quiet to try them properly.
Next stop is face-to-face counselling, on Wednesday. I’m feeling a lot better than seven weeks ago, but I am still a long, long, long way from feeling happy/normal/like me.
Hope you are doing ok. I need to catch up on your posts now x
Don’t listen to her, that clearly isn’t a description of who you are. Maybe she mixed you up with someone else. I think face-to-face counseling will be good for you. It’s always nice to get input from someone who doesn’t know your story already.
Things will get better! Have you tried melatonin or chamomile tea before bed? x
Thank you! I’ll try chamomile tea tonight, that’s a good call. x