Wedding weekend

13 Sep

I’m on an excessively bumpy train on my way to Edinburgh for the wedding. It feels like a very non-fun roller coaster (much like life right now – and I usually love roller coasters). The bumpiness is actually making me angry. My iPad keeps jumping onto the floor. The glass of gin and tonic is perhaps too great a risk but I’m taking it anyway. I deserve it.

I have so many feelings about this weekend. Mainly, ‘WHY ISN’T HE WITH ME?’. I refuse to become an awful, self-centred, miserable bridesmaid, but when you have hardly slept all week, feel broken, and also feel very much like you resemble a mushroom, it’s hard to be positive.

I stocked up on magazines for my 5-hour journey. I carefully sourced the publications with the most celebrity breakup news amongst their headlines. Somehow comforting. One of my friends just texted and told me if you smile it tricks your brain into feeling happy.

So tomorrow I’ll put on my biggest smile and my beautiful dress. We’ll get our makeup and hair done. One of my very best friends will walk down the aisle. We’ll eat and drink and laugh and catch up with old friends. We’ll dance – celidh of course – and stay up ’til the early hours of the morning.

But I know when I go back to my hotel room and climb into bed, I’ll miss his arms, his face, his smell. And my feet will miss his feet.

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4 Responses to “Wedding weekend”

  1. iwantmyhusbandback September 13, 2013 at 7:24 pm #

    Awww babe i honestly don’t know where you are getting the strength from to be a bridesmaid! But fair play, i guess ‘the show must go on’! Can you get pi$$ed and S*ag the best man?? Joking….. i feel for you, i really do! xxx

    • aprileb September 13, 2013 at 7:30 pm #

      Thank you! Apparently I’ll be the only single person there so – hey – what could be better?! At least I’ve lost a stone on the heartbreak diet, so my dress fits ok. Hope you’re ok x

      • iwantmyhusbandback September 13, 2013 at 8:07 pm #

        LOL got to love the ‘heart break diet’. I’m ok! I had a text from his new gf telling me that my house ‘will be sold’. Urggg silly cow, she can fook right off!! In a really bizarre way it empowered me!! I now spend 70% of my head space feeling heart broken and 30% feeling nasty!! lol xx

  2. jadedwildcat September 14, 2013 at 3:16 pm #

    Good luck to you at the wedding, friend. Hope it goes well and that you aren’t too plagued with thoughts of ‘him’. I swear I feel like a robot sometimes, dispensing advice that I can scarcely follow myself, but I do know in theory that it works, and so I hope you just have fun with the other ladies and just knuckle under all the pain and whatnot.
    xoxo

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