To note or not to note

12 Sep

Tomorrow I’m going up to Edinburgh for my friend’s wedding. I’m bridesmaiding. I feel I have been the worst bridesmaid ever. Anyway. More about that over the weekend I’m sure.

I have agreed with the ex that while I am in Scotland he will come over, drop off my stuff and pick up his stuff. I have his stuff waiting in the hallway. A huge bag of clothes, two shirts that I have washed BUT NOT IRONED (take that!), and a bunch of the usual DVDs, books and whatnots. Earlier in the year I bought him a case of this wine he really liked. I tracked it down online. It was not easy to find. There are two bottles left. So I’ve left them out for him too. And the jar of maraschino cherries I got him as a welcome home present. And the ‘chikin klub’ business card (inside joke) that I got my art director friend to make for him.

In a nutshell, everything sitting in my hallway right now is proof that I was the perfect, thoughtful girlfriend. I hope he cries when he sees it.

I am sorely, sorely tempted to leave a note telling him how much I still hurt, and that my first week at work has been a disaster.

To note or not to note. Your thoughts?

Of course my stuff that he returns will all smell of him and his house. This is going to be the worst weekend ever.

6 Responses to “To note or not to note”

  1. jadedwildcat September 12, 2013 at 7:06 pm #

    Sigh, enter the rough and awkward ‘exchange’ of personal effects huh? =(
    You know, as per the note I guess it depends on what you’d like the outcome to be. If you think a note might only exacerbate things, like make HIM feel guilty and perhaps then contact you out of guilt and sadness, then maybe not the best idea – because that’s not how you’d want him to be in contact with you right? If you just want to vent your feelings, and have them be known to him, regardless of if he responds to it or not, then if you’re strong enough to do so, I guess it’s not THAT horrid of an idea.
    If you’re like me, however, the anxiety of worrying what he thought of the note and whether or not you’ll come home to find something written from HIM might be a bit overwhelming…
    If those types of anxieties don’t bother you, or you feel you can live with it, then yeah, you could go for it.
    Sorry I’m not giving you one clear answer here; just helping you weigh the pros and cons, because at this point even a tiny note could have consequences that you didn’t think about?
    Hope I helped even a little…

  2. jadedwildcat September 12, 2013 at 7:11 pm #

    The other thing I should mention is that, the whole ‘him contacting you out of guilt or provoked sadness’ thing actually happened to me years ago, with H. It was during our last break-up, before we got back together for this whole last stretch… and it was like actually a couple of months into the break-up before I packed up all his things, gave them to a friend and had the friend meet with him so he could take it all back. One of the things had been a brand new, never worn male child’s coat – meant for a toddler, but it looks like a grown-up businessman or lawyer’s trenchcoat. Was really cute. He’d found it in his parents’ storage years earlier, and obvously he’d never worn it as a child. We’d always kept it, saying how cute our future son would look in it someday… I had packed that coat up with all his things (because it had hung in my closet since we found it) – and weeks later when he wrote to me, wanting to come back, saying he couldn’t live without me… one of the things he’d written was that “giving little Tama’s coat back to me broke my heart”. (Tama was a japanese character we loved and said it would be cute for a son’s name)
    But yeah, sorry for the personal story here, it’s just that it totally did have an effect on him in my case, and I didn’t even really have to send a note. Just that particular item was intimate enough to have been a straight out message from me.
    I just wonder if your ex might react in similar ways, depending on what you wrote or how you wrote it… x Let us know what happens ok?

    • aprileb September 12, 2013 at 7:14 pm #

      You’re totally right. I do not want to hear from him right now. Since we spoke I have felt worse than ever. So if I do write a note I would say on it that I don’t want him to respond. I hope he would show me that I little bit of compassion and respect my wishes. I think a lot of what I have to say is pure venting. I cannot understand. I cannot understand. I cannot understand. Hw can you want to marry someone and say you are the happiest in your life when you’re with them and love them etc. but not be “completely in love” with them?!

      Maybe I’ll never understand.

      Hope you’re doing ok today, girl. Was reading your blog earlier. It sounded like a rough start to the day x

    • aprileb September 12, 2013 at 7:18 pm #

      Woah. That’s such a sad/sweet story. Also I’m obsessed with everything Japanese so love that you used the name Tama. I think you make a really good point. The wine, the chikin card, the way I’ve packed up everything with so much care etc. it’s all going to make him feel guilty and sad. Maybe an angry note would just tarnish it?

      • jadedwildcat September 12, 2013 at 7:45 pm #

        Yeah, we’re similar with the Japanese fad thing I suppose – I’ve been that way since junior high, love it. Hence my cat’s name is also Sayuri!

        I dunno, those items yeah, are pretty personal enough – it’s really up to you if you decide to leave a note. It seems like maybe he WOULD respect your wishes and not reply – but it also just hit me that maybe not leaving a note would cause more of a reaction? Maybe he’s kind of expecting you to do so? Once he sees those items, he’ll instantly be thinking about the relationship, what he gave up, etc. I”m sure that’s bound to happen; I’d say it’d be impossible for him NOT to start reminiscing… and then he might think, Wow, she put all this stuff out and didn’t even say a word. She must be moving on. Then maybe that in itself would get him thinking? I dunno…

  3. Just Someone September 12, 2013 at 7:20 pm #

    In my case, it was so abrupt and messy that none of us had the courage to ask the other for a formal exchange of things. But I did message her to return two of my books, “The fountainhead” and “P.S. I Love You”. Although there were other things and books but these two had a sentimental value. She delivered it to a friend’s flat. When I got it, I was desperately looking for any signs/note left by here, but there was none and I was disappointed. 😦

    So no harm in taking a chance leaving a note, but if he does not reply, you’ll keep waiting and will be hurt tremendously 😦 I just pray that he replies and you feel better about the feeling you two shared.
    My take, leave a note!

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