The ex before the ex

6 Sep

It’s safe to say that I’ve been thinking too much. Not just about my ex, but about the ex before the ex. This is a bit of a sad post, but these things need to be said. We broke up two years ago. We went out for 15 very difficult months. He was living in Amsterdam, I was in London, and the long-distance situation took its toll. As did his anger problem. And his coke habit.

He had good in him. He used to do such lovely things for me. But, unfortunately, this was overshadowed by a temper that grew to terrify me.

I broke up with him after a disastrous two-week holiday in Florida. The trip got off to a great start with him screaming at me at the airport, drinking too much on the flight, and nearly making me drive off the road in Miami. The entire two weeks was punctuated with daily arguments, culminating in a shouting match at the happiest place on earth (well, an Italian restaurant in Disney Village). He said I made him look like a fool (he actually used another word for ‘fool’, one beginning with a ‘c’) when I corrected the way he had ordered a pizza.

Woah. Spooky. Until right now I didn’t realise this breakup also involved a pizza of doom.

I’m not a confrontational person. I don’t like conflict. I really don’t like anger. The relationship left me with a twitchy eyebrow, a complex about my weight, a handful of happy memories, and a lot of anger towards myself for putting up with everything that happened. I also had no sex drive and believed I would never want to be near a man again. Ever. Which is why it felt so remarkable when I met my ex and was so incredibly attracted to him.

He was very understanding. I’d never really talked to anyone about the ex before the ex before. I didn’t want my friends to think less of me. I couldn’t tell my family because they would be devastated. To this day my parents believe we broke up because I couldn’t deal with the fact that he didn’t love Disney World.

My ex was so kind and so patient when we first got together and I got freaked out by certain situations. I could tell him anything. And – boom – my sex drive was back with a vengeance. I really thought he was perfect. But, you know what? I’m not sure he would love Disney World either.

9 Responses to “The ex before the ex”

  1. jadedwildcat September 6, 2013 at 8:18 pm #

    This is coming from someone completely drowning in sadness and negativity here… but I can really see and point out how you progressed for the better, and that even though you’re now once again in the midst of a sad break-up situation, at least you too can see that the first relationship was wrong and bad for you. That’s actually pretty intense, the way he treated you, all the screaming matches, etc.
    But I bet at the time it must still have been difficult to get out of it and you probably still wanted him back, am I right?
    Could be wrong I guess but… yeah, it’s nice to see that people actually progress and do better for themselves.
    If only I could see what was better for me and actually WANT it..!
    Hoping you improve with each day that passes… xoxo

    • aprileb September 6, 2013 at 8:24 pm #

      You’re right. The ex before the ex treated me disgustingly at times, but I was with him for 15 months. There’s the proof that it’s hard to see the light when you’re in the middle of something. In truth, we should never have been together more than a couple of months.

      The difference is, by the time we broke up I had no doubt that it was the right thing. I felt an overwhelming sense of relief, and kind of elation too. I had my life back. The stress was gone.

      This time around I do not think the break up is the right thing. The ex and I had a wonderful relationship. We were so much happier together. He even said this when he broke up with me. BUT I’ve got to believe there’s something even better waiting for me.

      I’m sure there’s something good waiting for you too. You just need to work out what you need to do. Don’t worry. If you stick to your guts you’ll do what’s right for you. X

  2. intothebeauty September 6, 2013 at 8:29 pm #

    Oh my gosh! Another pizza of doom! That IS so. weird. I’m glad you learned to trust again, though.

  3. iwantmyhusbandback September 7, 2013 at 10:15 am #

    Hate the c word!M has just started calling me it and it’s vile!
    Chin up lovely! Xx

  4. leahjayy91 September 10, 2013 at 11:04 pm #

    After your comment on my blog entry, I wanted to know more about you. I’m so glad to see this blog. It helps to know there’s someone else in the world who knows exactly how I feel right now. Interestingly, it seems our lives have some parallels. I grew up in Austin, lived there for 18 years actually. And my ex, he seems to be a version of your “ex before the ex”. He had a coke problem but, as it were, it wasn’t just a past thing but a present thing also. He had frightening anger issues…he once quietly, directly, asked me (while he looked me in the eyes, mind you) “you’re just a f***ing whore, aren’t you?” I’m glad it’s over. But damn it hurts. Looking back and saying goodbye to all the plans and traditions is the hardest part I think. The future trip to Southeast Asia, the watching Burn Notice every week, the pinky promises and the sweet nuzzling. I can’t even watch my favorite show anymore. Ugh.

    • aprileb September 11, 2013 at 7:13 am #

      Oh hell yeah. The ex before the ex used to pull that shit with me. Calling me a whore, a c-word, quietly threatening me if a guy friend texted. It’s awful and you just don’t need that in your life. I’m glad reading my blog helps you; readings yours helped me. Keep writing. I fricking love Austin. I did a year at UT when I was 21 (ten years ago – eek). Best time ever. Hope today treats you ok. It’s after 8 am here and I haven’t cried yet!

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  6. spanish no fly zone gibraltar September 2, 2014 at 1:06 pm #

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  1. What I have | Pizza of Doom - June 15, 2014

    […] daydream. I like that last time I went to Disney World (unfortunately the time that I broke up with the ex-before-the-ex), I was so excited I ran out of the hotel room without my flipflops on. My ex sometimes told me I […]

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