Goodbye, August. You’ve been horrible.

31 Aug

Tomorrow is September. Well, good riddance to August 2013 which has been , without doubt, the worst month of my entire life. Not only did my boyfriend get back from New York and break up with me, I had a bladder infection, my final project in my last job ended up a disaster, and ants moved into my coffee machine (true story).

Still, I’m trying to be positive. I’m looking for the meaning. So here are five (very important) things I learned this month.

1. This is what heartbreak feels like
I’ve broken up before. I’ve been dumped before. But I have never felt like this in my life. Thinking back to those first few days when I was unable to do anything, I hate that anyone has to go through this. Ever. I remember flying up to Scotland the day after it happened, wishing that the plane would just drop out of the sky. There isn’t a day I haven’t cried since the 2nd of August. I think it’s safe to say I have now experienced true heartbreak. Oh, and it’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

2. Trust your guts
I knew something wasn’t right with my ex, but he kept telling me he was just stressed at work. And from the start of our relationship he’d warned me that the summer would be stressful. Well, don’t I feel like an almighty fool for sending him chirpy, supportive emails with pictures of cats in comical poses? Don’t I feel like a mug for making him a Japanese-themed care package to take to New York? Don’t I wish I hadn’t welcomed him back with homemade cupcakes? He was miserable because he did not want to be with me. Fact. More fool me.

3. You know who your friends are
My friends have been incredible. I have a friend who texts me every day to “check in”. I have others who have had me around for lunch, or sent me flowers, or answered multiple “do you think?” emails during the working day, or made sure I have something to do on a Friday night. I’ll be honest, there are a few who I feel have been unsympathetic and haven’t really cared. But good to know who’s who on the friend scale. And, hey, I’ve also made a whole bunch of blog buddies who are some of the most supportive, lovely ladies I’ve ever come across.

4. Whatever your age, nobody looks after you like your Mum and Dad do
I can’t imagine what went through my poor parents’ heads when I phoned them sobbing and asking to come home. They have been amazingly tactful, supportive and kind. It makes me cry that they’ve had to see me cry so much. They are the coolest old people I know. Hands down.

5. Pull yourself together on the outside, and it helps on the inside
Wednesday was the first time I wore makeup since it happened. I’ve been living in glorified pyjamas. The first couple of weeks I showed up, more than once, at work with an item of clothing inside out. Today I got a mani pedi. I’ve reintroduced makeup. I’ve even taken to wearing clothes without elasticated waistbands (sometimes). It’s not going to change my life in a big way, but it helps. And my skin looks amazing after its detox.

So here goes. I’m shutting the door on August, four weeks to the day since the pizza of doom. I want to keep looking forward. I really do. But, if I’m honest, even after these lessons learned, I just don’t want it to be over. And I can’t help feeling if I could just go back to July I could change it all. 

Let’s hope September gives me a reason to stay in drive-mode.

5 Responses to “Goodbye, August. You’ve been horrible.”

  1. intothebeauty September 1, 2013 at 12:33 am #

    Your posts open old wounds for me. Every point you’ve made, I’ve been there and felt that exact same thing. I think half the pain comes from the fact that you don’t want to let go-that’s how it was for me at least. Even now, 6 months later, I’m still in sort of disbelief and I refuse to think about my relationship as a good thing because that would mean that I’ve 100% let it go and that it’s over. Of course I know it’s over, but for some reason I refuse to smile because it happened. All I can say is keep doing what you’re doing. Focus on yourself-I’ve totally developed a relationship with myself. Working out, eating right, and practice deep breathing meditation. And I’ve focused on my friends-keeping busy with amazing people is such a therapeutic relief. They WILL keep you happy. And keep writing. I started writing right after it happened and my support system on the Internet is incredible. As always, keep your head up ❤

  2. literarylydi September 1, 2013 at 9:56 am #

    My favourite line is the bit about cats in comical poses. He wasn’t right for you and although it feels like he’s the only one at the moment, in time that will certainly change. You have to kiss frogs to get your prince! I knew something wasn’t right with my ex but I was in denial, so number 2 is really important. Glad you’re spending time with your friends. They are the ones who will help you through this tough time. Treat yourself gently and talk to yourself as you would a friend who had been through the same thing. As the Sugababes say in Hole in the Head, the first thing they did post break up was start a diet, buy themselves flowers and get a manicure! and don’t think back, look forward!

  3. literarylydi September 1, 2013 at 9:57 am #

    also I totally agree with what intothebeauty says!

    • aprileb September 1, 2013 at 10:57 am #

      Thank you both so much. It’s so good to hear from others and to know it will get better. I’m trying to focus on me, but I liked my life a lot more with him in it. X

  4. sowebrokeup September 3, 2013 at 7:26 pm #

    Here it comes. I hope September is treating you well ❤ ❤

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