The whole ‘no contact with the ex’ thing

25 Aug

So. When the pizza of doom happened three weeks ago, I was in shock. He kept saying, “Is there anything you want to ask me? Are you going to be OK? You can call me anytime.” But I couldn’t get him out of my flat fast enough. He turned around at the door, I guess to hug me or something, and I asked him just to leave. I hate that memory.

Yes, I was in shock. But I think some kind of self-preservation thing kicked in. From the moment he said he had something to talk to me about (and it was clear this was not something fun), I knew that any contact we had was going to hurt me. And I cannot take being hurt any more right now. I immediately unfriended him on Facebook and deleted him from my gmail chat contacts too. I don’t need to torture myself by stalking him.

It was a few days before I realised that every website and self-help book wanted me to do just this and have no contact with him. Yay me.

Of course I’ve also been on the websites that say this is the best way to get him back. Boo me.

I haven’t really found it hard to have no contact, though. I miss him like hell. I think about him all the time. Everything reminds me of him. I cry constantly. But I know that any text or email or phone call is going to make me feel even worse. There is nothing he could say that would make this hurt less.

There’s also the fact that we’re kind of in breakup purgatory. I still have a lot of his things, including his house keys. He has my things. He has my house keys. At some point there is going to need to be contact. And I guess until then I don’t need to face that he is no longer a part of my life. Forever.

You know when you meet up with an ex (usually to exchange things or for some kind of closure) and you know it’s the last time you will ever see the person? I don’t think I can face that. I think I’ll have to tell him he can come and pick up his things when I’m not here. Which means the last time I saw him will forever be that awkward moment when he turned around to hug me.

I’m kind of surprised he hasn’t been in touch at all. I’m surprised he hasn’t checked in to see if I’m ok, or at least wanted his things back. But then I was surprised when he ate half a pizza, stroked me, cuddled me, and then promptly broke up with me. 

He’s back in New York now for two weeks. I guess I won’t be hearing from him til he gets back to London. And so the no contact continues. Well, according to the books, at least I’m doing something right.

3 Responses to “The whole ‘no contact with the ex’ thing”

  1. lippyandlifelessons August 25, 2013 at 6:26 pm #

    This is always SO hard. My ex and I broke up and it was whilst I was in my last year at school, but I had to see him everyday and he was so awkward! just had no idea what to say to me, and even now he treats me weird. it’s best to have contact on occasions such as christmas or birthdays! Don’t worry, one day you’ll wake up and feel much better!

  2. luciddream85 August 27, 2013 at 2:35 am #

    Mine is breaking up with me – in three months, to move back to his home state to be with his children. At least he let me know in advance. *sighs* Men.

    • aprileb August 27, 2013 at 8:22 pm #

      That is hard. I hope you’re ok. I’m sure it will get easier for us both.

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